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Iron Man AC Green

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AC Green is an iron man. Most people call him that because he played in 1192 straight professional basketball games. I call him that because he remained a virgin until he got married at 38! Remember, this guy was teammates with both Magic Johnson, who was screwing anything that moved before he tested HIV positive, and James Worthy, who was once arrested for ordering in two prostitutes. Amazing!  And look how hot his wife turned out to be.

I don’t particularly think that Green’s actions were noble, but you still have to tip your hat to someone with that amount of self control. Estimating conservatively I’m guessing that AC must have easily turned down something ike 1192 potential sexual encounters. Hope it was worth it big guy.

True Life Inspirational Teacher Movies

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I’m a sucker for these things, especially the end credits where they tell you how successful the kids, who had been on their way to death or jail have become in real life. I was just watching this type of sequence at the end of the Sam Jackson movie Coach Carter, and yet I couldn’t help thinking to myself how cool it would be to have a movie like that where they list 10 kids who became great men, but then just once the last entry would be:

Calvin Hayes - Point Guard - Caught stealing dildos at Irv’s Porn Emporium. Shanked in San Quentin.

You know they’d just omit that entry. You can’t save everybody.

Can We All Get Along?

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Chris Rock has a funny routine about flunking Black history because he thought the answer to every question was Martin Luther King. Just to be safe nowadays you should just always answer King as if you were on Jeopardy.

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Jimmy Fallon in Taxi

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I’m watching this as I type this. I really thought it was impossible to make a movie this bad these days. It’s so wretched I literally can’t look away. Jimmy Fallon makes Steve Guttenberg look like a masterful comedic actor. Is his character supposed to be retarded? Poor Queen Latifah, she used to be so cool when she had small parts in little movies. She sold her soul.

Valerie Bertinelli for Jenny Craig

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Is it just me or does anyone else think that Valerie Bertinelli got fat just for the publicity and the Jenny Craig endorsement deal?