I think I just had an out of body experience after seeing Funny People.

First of all, if you want me to like your movie, it’s a good idea to put Jon Brion in it (I almost orgasmed when I saw him - that doesn’t sound good does it?) and have some rare John Lennon stuff in it.

So I’m walking out of the theater and the demo version of Watching the Wheels is playing over the credits. I get into my car and …. Watching the Wheels is playing almost like I never left the theater. I’m taking it to mean that moving to Los Angeles is a good idea, if you disagree then well … keep it to yourself until I crash and burn again.

Anyway, I honestly think it would be really cool if Adam Sandler won a Best Actor award for it, and I’m actually convinced he’d deserve it. My guess is that he won’t even be nominated, but he’s my choice until I see Mel Gibson resurrected from the dead in real life or the equivalent of that.

Judd Apatow is pretty warped, you’d have to be to have Eminem be the most sane voice in your movie. Em was great as himself, much better than he was in 8 Mile. There should be some kind of award for best appearance as yourself. It’s been a good year for that category so far (Mike Tyson in the Hangover).

Here’s another amazing bit of hyperbole. Adam Sandler has now recorded the second best version of Real Love after the original Lennon demo. That doesn’t sound that impressive, until you remember that the re-boot Beatles recorded it too, and I even like that version.

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From GQ about Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Dating motto: “Girls throw themselves at me. I don’t find that attractive. I’m not gonna sleep with a woman because she’s like, ‘You’re McLovin!’”

Can you believe that?

Dude seriously have you looked in the mirror - you are the luckiest bastard on the planet earth. If you weren’t McLovin you’d be lucky to feel a breast by the time you were 32 —

and

Your fucking McLovin!!!! It’s your duty to please the women of the world. You’re McLovin!!!!!

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This matters to no one else but me, but that goes for 90% of my content. I was remembering having Elvis Costello walk by me outside of the Riviera Theater in Chicago. Thanks to the internet I now know that it was 10-13-86. Anyway, I know it’s been like 23 years, but I was shocked then at how tiny he was.

I’m 5′8″ so he had to be like 5′3″

So I look it up on the internet and imdb says he’s 5′10″

No fucking way.

That’s a picture of him with Elton John - they appear to be the same height. Elton’s listed at 5′7″ on imdb.

No fucking way. Those guys are 5′4″ tall tops. I’d bet my life on it.

More relevant, here is this video of Elvis’ return from being banned from Saturday Night Live.

Elvis was banned from SNL for switching songs on Lorne Michaels and playing Radio Radio instead of Less than Zero back in 77.

Here is Elvis’ return to SNL by interrupting the Beastie Boys’ Sabotage the exact same way to again do Radio Radio.

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http://blogcritics.org/sports/article/jose-canseco-pioneer-or-pariah/

“It’s not about naming names,” he said. “I’ve never had anything against the players. It’s always been against Major League Baseball. I know who’s on that list, but like I said, it’s not about attacking the players. It’s about the machine that allowed this to happen. What I speak out of my mouth is the truth. It burns like fire. Just remember, I have never lied about this subject.”

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Consider this my pitch - since I’m guessing my friend Grant won’t think it sellable:

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it is not to have a gun control argument with your prospective father in law no matter how many times he goads you into it.

Although, now that I think of it, I don’t understand how during that argument I never managed to mention that his daughter missed being in a building where a guy with a machine gun mowed down a bunch of people by about a minute and a half. Can I have my whole life over, please?

Anyway, the reason I’m for gun control is simply having seen John Lennon’s blood stained glasses.

If I talk guns with anyone these days, my only point is that everyone having a gun seems to be a lot like every Western I’ve ever seen. And of course, no one ever dies in those.

I wonder if there has ever been a Western where no one dies. If anyone knows one, pass it along. Warning: Back to the Future III definitely doesn’t count.

Oh, wait, I suppose when you do a pitch you shouldn’t make the first third of it random thoughts that have little to do with the heart of the pitch.

So anyway my idea for the greatest reality show in history is called Old West.

In Old West, we’ll find some desolate part of the country and build a cliched Western small town and all the participants in the show will live like they did in days of yore. Now this stuff has been done with different time eras, but I think you’ll agree with me after I’m done that this show will be much more entertaining.

There would be a saloon with plenty of Whiskey (I’ve learned that reality show success is directly proportional to the alcohol consumption of the contestants - or maybe that’s just on MTV and VH1), a small jail, a ton of horses, and oh yeah a shitload of GUNS!

We’d cast the different jobs accordingly.

The Sheriff: He should preferably be a really pro gun redneck cliche. Heavy drinker would also be a good characteristic

Blacksmiths, ranchers, farmers, bartenders, deputies, and oh yeah …. PROSTITUTES!

Now I suppose it would be alright to let real world prostitutes be the prostitutes, but I think we can all agree that it would be more fun to have regular women show us exactly how desperate they are to be on television.

Also all of the laws will conform to the most absurd ones that we could find from the 1880s.

So we’ve got a whole town full of characters to introduce to America, lots of grain alcohol, about ten or twelve prostitutes, and oh yeah … a lot of GUNS!

How could this show possibly miss?

If Mark Burnett doesn’t phone me by early next week, then let the whole world know that he is too big of a pussy to give us what would simply be the greatest reality show of all time!

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