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I love that Otis Campbell has his own wiki page!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otis_Campbell

Otis Campbell was the fictional “town drunk” in Mayberry on the American TV sitcom The Andy Griffith Show. Otis was played by Hal Smith and made frequent appearances on the show from 1960 to 1967.

As Andy and Bee Taylor told deputy Warren Ferguson, Otis worked as a glue dipper in a furniture factory Monday-Friday and drank all weekend. After a binge, Otis would usually lock himself in the town jail until he was sober. He had a key to the front door of the courthouse and the cell keys were hung on a nail near the cells (presumably, to accommodate Otis). The lack of crime in Mayberry, and the laid-back attitude of the Sheriff’s department easily accommodated Otis’s drinking habit. Otis would often let himself in jail on the same day as a dignitary or one of Andy’s superiors was arriving at the courthouse, much to the chagrin of Sheriff Andy Taylor or Deputy Barney Fife.

Otis was first arrested for drunkenness on September 23, 1941 at 2PM, but was released as it was “his first offense”.

Once, Sheriff Taylor locked a dynamite-laden goat in a padded jail cell to prevent an explosion. Predictably, Otis stumbled in after a night of drinking, and let himself into the same cell, only to find the mattress nailed to the wall (curiously, along with the blanket). Otis attempted to climb into the bed anyway, and naturally fell on the floor. Believing the peculiarity to be a result of his intoxication he proclaimed, “First time I ever fell off a bed onto the wall.”

If Barney deemed a situation urgent enough, he would sometimes deputize Otis. Otis often became agitated with Barney’s dictatorial style, and a verbal shouting match would ensue. On the Danny Thomas Show episode that was the pilot for The Andy Griffith Show, Andy had deputized another town drunk, Will Hoople, so that Will could arrest himself every time he got drunk. It could be assumed that Andy had probably given Otis this same “authority”, since Otis regularly “arrested” himself, and so he could be called upon to help when needed.

In one episode, it is revealed that Otis has a brother named Ralph, who is the town drunk of another town.

Otis is usually found “smashed, buzzed, tiddly, gassed, off the wagon and back on the sauce, or just plain drunk,” by Barney Fife.

A common joke on the show was having Otis see something genuinely bizarre or unexpected while inebriated. In his last appearance, he had an invisible dog named Spot.

In the episode “Ellie For Council,” viewers are introduced to Otis’ wife, Rita Campbell. In that episode, Otis is jailed for assault – the only time for an offense other than drunkenness. During a fight with Rita, Otis tries to hit her with a leg of lamb, misses, and hits his mother-in-law in the mouth.

In the 1986 television movie Return to Mayberry, it was revealed that Otis was now completely sober and was currently employed as the town’s ice cream man.

Ironically, Hal Smith (the actor who portrayed Otis) was a teetotaller, according to Andy Griffith (Larry King Live, 2003), and never had even one alcoholic drink.

Michael Vick’s Good Old Days

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Remember when Michael Vick’s biggest problem was being sued for giving a girl Herpes and telling her his name was Ron Mexico?

Gambling Addiction Is Cool – When you’re a winner

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From Doyle Brunson’s Blog

The poker games are out of control at the Bellagio. I’ve never seen games where so much money is won and lost each night. I’ve only played in the game twice because it is PLO, which I consider my worst game. I won both times but have been content to play in the “baby games”, 2-4k and 4-8k mixed games. The Chinese Poker has been even bigger. We played $15,000 a point last night, 4 handed and 2 waiting. I had a 2.1 million dollar swing in less than an hour. Now that is gambling!

I get asked how in the world do you handle the ups and downs. The first thing you have to learn is how to endure disappointments. Sometimes I feel like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn. I always try to remember what my personal hero, Jim Valvano, said.

Valvano was the coach when North Carolina State beat Houston for the NCAA Championship. A few years later he contracted terminal cancer and gave an unforgettable speech on national TV. I remember he said, “This cancer can kill my body, but it can’t kill my spirit. Always remember, don’t give up, don’t ever give up.”

I try to do just that.

Nice to follow the I’m an inveterate gambler with the spiritual never give up message.

Chinese Poker from what I’ve read is basically pure luck. So losing 2 mill in a night seems a bit extreme. Doyle’s like 100 why the hell does he have a blog – does he really need to be promoting?

As for the games he can’t afford, essentially if you play 8 or 9 hands and do nothing but fold you lose $12,000

I swear one million and you’ll never hear a word of complaint from me

With this incentive how can I resist?

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Not to repeat myself, but there is a special place in hell reserved for non-essential plastic surgeons and the sellers of products that spur hair growth and penis size.

Prolixus somehow doesn’t make you larger, it makes you wider or girthier or whatever.

I just heard a commercial for it and was caught up in the special absurd genius of the bonus product you get with your purchase.

It was a measuring device so that you could “chart your progress.” I don’t know why I find that funny, but I do.

A good indication that your Celebrity Rehab didn’t take

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Mary Carey has returned to porn and released Celebrity Pornhab with Dr. Screw

I saw it and give it 2 flaccid penises. The writing was horrible. The cinematography was non-existant. The sex was uninspired. Who am I kidding I only watched like 43 seconds of it and moved on? Nevertheless, I still stand by my review and it is available to all worldwide news sources in case they want to quote it.

Dr. Drew is apparently upset about the whole thing, but as they say “Sign a deal with the devil …”

People are always looking to assuage their porn guilt by lauding some bright articulate porn star, who just loves her job and seems sexually liberated. Sasha Grey seems to be the latest. Unfortunately, every single one winds up looking like a crack whore in ten years “telling tells of drunkeness and cruelty,” which isn’t really surprising because after all that’s essentially what they are.

Again, you can make a porn movie when you’re 18 but you can’t drink a beer. Isn’t the only real reason not to let an 18 year old drink is so they don’t make bad sexual decisions.

Pornography probably serves a great function by giving people outlets for the insanity of getting horny, but make no mistake about it the entire industry is a cesspool.

Anyway, I’m sure there will someday be a Dr. Drew 10 year Rehab reunion, but I’m guessing it will be extremely short on success stories. Then again what do I know, maybe Jeff Conaway will become the highest paid actor in the world.