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The Single Greatest Movie Review Ever

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http://www.capalert.com/capreports/sincity.htm

I love to read reviews by anyone and religious zealots especially. These people didn’t like Sin City. It got a perfect score of zero out of 100!

But the greatest thing about the review is that the reviewer had to chronical every single offensive thing about the movie – and he fond a lot!  Poor sap probably had to watch the damn thing 15 times!

“Sin City is yet another film that tends to remind me of the paintings in which a gaggle of demons dance and prance about a boiling cauldron, shrieking with glee as they toss soul after soul into the cauldron of Hell, cauterizing any veins of escape.”

 

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

  • multiple bullet impacts with blood, splatter and body part loss
  • multiple instances of slicings, lacerations, incisions, impalements, avulsions and amputations
  • cartoon images of firearm and blade assaults
  • child abduction by a pedophile
  • fist fighting
  • assault with metal pipe
  • gunfire cutting off forearm and to the male privates
  • scene of multiple gunfire injuries, graphic
  • scene of multiple gunfire killings, graphic
  • threat to kill, repeatedly
  • action violence, repeatedly
  • planning murder, repeatedly
  • assault on police, multiple, graphic
  • assault to eyes
  • firearm threat, repeatedly
  • pistol whipping, repeatedly, graphic
  • gunfire to privates
  • dragging man by car with face against the pavement
  • attempted murder by car, numerous times with sight of victim being thrown and bouncing each time
  • attempted gunfire murder, repeatedly
  • surviving impossible gunfire injuries that would result in death, repeatedly
  • assault with sledge hammer, graphic
  • heads of five disembodied women mounted as trophies, victims of cannibalism, repeatedly
  • woman speaking of man who had eaten her hand while she watched
  • assault with a rock
  • assault with axe to the private parts
  • many gunfire injuries of varying severity, repeatedly
  • gore, repeatedly
  • beating assault
  • man hitting a woman, repeatedly
  • double amputation
  • dog eating stubs of amputations
  • severed head, repeatedly, sometimes talking/moving
  • man kissing severed head
  • beating with baseball bats
  • talk of eating women
  • arm breaking assault
  • electrocution execution
  • many threats of many kinds
  • illegal flight to avoid lawful capture
  • firearms for offense, many
  • killing/injuring with slicing weapons, repeatedly, some graphic
  • beheading
  • more amputation
  • gushing/splattering of blood, repeatedly
  • impalement injuries, repeatedly, some graphic
  • bodies strewn about
  • slicing up five bodies to be able to fit them into a car trunk
  • semiautomatic pistol slide rack impaled into forehead
  • dead bodies talking
  • assault by strangulation of woman
  • another severed head, repeatedly, sometimes talking
  • knife impalements, repeatedly
  • gunfire to kill, repeatedly
  • biting gore
  • brutality, repeatedly
  • victim joking with spear and arrows protruding through him
  • blood lust
  • extortion with wife’s life
  • beating gore, repeatedly
  • severed finger
  • admission of contemplating suicide
  • threat to kill with broken window pane glass
  • manually ripping male private parts off a manImpudence/Hate (I)
  • 76 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
  • lusting for murder
  • wish to kill
  • lies, repeatedly
  • stuffing head in toilet with feces to intimidate, twice
  • calling murder an art
  • “Power comes by lying”
  • sadism
  • torture with whip as “foreplay”Sexual Immorality (S)
  • graphically descriptive talk of rape and murder of an 11 year old girl
  • making out
  • intercourse with nudity
  • nudity, upper female, repeatedly
  • nudity, female rear, repeatedly, some close-up
  • sex talk
  • thong nudity, repeatedly
  • homosexual reference
  • ghosting of female anatomy through thin clothing, repeatedly
  • translucent nudity
  • women as toys
  • sensuous dance, repeatedly
  • dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure, repeatedly
  • nude woman with appendages hiding gender-specifics
  • anatomical references, repeatedly
  • man and woman in bed together
  • cohabitation
  • sexual threats
  • camera angle to force viewer on private parts, repeatedly
  • prostitutes, many and prostitute dress, repeatedly
  • soliciting prostitution, repeatedly
  • talk of showing privates to each other
  • offer of sex, repeatedly
  • inappropriate touch
  • pedophile
  • threat of sexual torture
  • full male nudity with privates hidden by shadows, repeatedly, many angles
  • sexual innuendoDrugs/Alcohol (D):
  • smoking, repeatedly
  • drinking, repeatedly
  • drunkenness, repeatedly
  • bar, repeatedly
  • booze, repeatedly
  • abuse of prescription medicationOffense to God (O)
  • “Goldy [a prostitute] worked the clergy”
  • speaking of eating not only flesh but souls as well
  • name calling with “fool” [Matt. 5:22]
  • eight uses of God’s name in vain with the four letter expletive and six withoutMurder/Suicide (M)
  • gunfire murder, at least 13 individual plus a multiple, graphic
  • axe to forehead murder, graphic
  • neck twist murder
  • beating murder, at least two, graphic
  • squeezing head murder
  • blade murders, at least six, graphic
  • arrow murder, at least three, graphic
  • murder by slicing off top of head, graphic
  • gunfire suicide, graphic

Note that management of the local theater, the Driftwood Theater 6 has implemented special controls to allow no one under 17 to enter the auditorium showing Sin City unless their parent(s) or legal guardian accompanies them into the auditorium. Tickets sales will be closely monitored and checked at the door of the auditorium. Even adult siblings may not be allowed to escort their under 17 siblings. Management suspects this film might have been one MPAA vote away from NC-17. Granted, the MPAA guidelines are not law but Driftwood is committed to ensuring a family-oriented service and supporting parental controls. I am proud of the management of the Driftwood Theaters for their bold stance which is apparently not often taken by other theater owners.

Typically an R-rated films requires two or three log sheets to record all the issues of assault on morality and decency. Sin City required 7 1/2 log sheets. Very few of the nearly 1000 films we have analyzed have earned a CAP final score of 100 (the best score possible) and very few films have earned a CAP final score of zero (the worst possible score). Sin City earned a final score of zero (see the CAP thermometers). Each of the six CAP investigation areas (W, I, S, D, O, M) starts with 100 points. Enough aberrant behavior and/or imagery was found in Sin City to cause loss of every point in each of the six investigation areas.

The Findings/Scoring section of these reports, the heart of the CAP Analysis Model, is completely objective to God’s Word and is independent of and insulated from modern morality and ethics. The Findings/Scoring section is even independent of and insulated from my own opinions. However, this Summary/Commentary section, which is precisely that … a summary in commentary format, is independent of the Findings/Scoring section. This Summary/Commentary section may therefore be and sometimes is somewhat subjective.

So, subjectively speaking, though Sin City is a technological masterpiece with high wattage thespians, it is deeply dark, vulgar, sinister and ugly cinematic cyanide. Maybe that is what it is supposed to be. If so, the writers and filmmakers were successful, so successful it is a wonder there were enough acceptable seconds of film to build a preview. That is my subjective opinion of the film, but maybe after nearly 1000 film analyses my “subjective comments” may not be that subjective?

This quilt of three Frank Miller novels: The Big Fat Kill, The Hard Goodbye and That Yellow B—- is complete with the comic book feel imparted by sequential hand-drawn panels. Miller masterfully stitched in to the fabric the sadistic brutality of his novels, trimming the edges of the resultant tapestry with two mini-stories of a slick killer, obviously to set the tone before touring the patterns of murder, prostitution, sadism, brutality and nihilism in the quilt.

Rodriguez amplifies the comic book sadistic brutality with the sense-saturating power of larger-than-life motion picture grandeur. Sin City presents nearly every sin imaginable in every alley with every prostitute and every killer ever given birth by pen and paper. There is extreme violence, extreme in both severity and density. There is vulgar and flippant impure language, dense sexual immorality and bold disregard for life.

We are introduced to the world of Basin City evil with the beginning of the quilt edging as a professional murderer wearing a salesman mask (Josh Hartnett) wooed a young lady in “Mickey Spillane” fashion then murdered her by silenced gunfire. The tone set by such sadistic nihilism is maintained throughout the entire 117 minutes of demonstrations of sin.

Bruce Willis appeared as Jim Hartigan. an aging Basin City cop bent on ending the crime spree of Junior (Nick Stahl), a pedophile after 11 year old Nancy Callahan (Makenzie Vega at 11 then Jessica Alba at 19). That is the 19 year old Nancy on the poster art. In this segment, Hartigan buried bullets into Junior (once in the pedophile’s privates) who, after special medical treatment became That Yellow B—, a grotesquely deformed critter that looked too much like a Feringi from Star Trek: Next Generation, only yellow … all over. Junior was completely consumed by getting even with Hartigan and did so through Nancy 8 years later. Hartigan was framed as a child molester and for those 8 years did time in prison for Nancy. When Hartigan realized that there was no safety for Nancy as long as he was alive, Hartigan blew his brains out — which we saw in the detail of black-n-white negative projection.

In another of Miller’s quilt of stories was Marv (Mickey Rourke) wondering who killed his prostitute quest. Resolved to find and kill the one who killed the only woman who would even look at his stone appearance, Marv discovered Kevin (Elijah Wood) was killing prostitutes, eating them then mounting their heads like hunting trophies. Kevin ate the prostitutes with the help of Cardinal Roark (Rutger Hauer), the most politically powerful man in Basin City who claimed Kevin was eating not only the prostitutes but their souls as well. Now how much sense does that make? If you decide to stomach this film, don’t expect it to make much sense. Of anything.

Clive Owen as Dwight, a former journalist whose territory is the hooker streets, Old Town, spends his time locking horns with a corrupt cop, Jack Rafferty (Benicio Del Toro). For what reason I am not sure. One of the scenes in this episode was of an oriental prostitute slicing up five dead bodies into smaller pieces so the five bodies could be fit into a car trunk

There is a lot more to the content to this film but I suspect the scoring as shown in the Findings/Scoring section is enough to impart its caliber to you. Sin City is yet another film that tends to remind me of the paintings in which a gaggle of demons dance and prance about a boiling cauldron, shrieking with glee as they toss soul after soul into the cauldron of Hell, cauterizing any veins of escape.

I am not going to spend any time summarizing the listing in the Findings/Scoring section in this report. The listing speaks volumes about the content of this film. Nor am I going to provide a list of Scriptures which apply to the sins demonstrated in this film. You probably have a Bible. Every other “shalt not” in the Bible was likely violated in this film. Let the “Selected Scriptures of Armour…” suffice.

SCRIPTURAL APPLICATION(S)
Selected Scriptures of Armour against the influence of the entertainment industry.

  • Ps. 12:8 The wicked freely strut about [e.g., create progressively vile/offensive entertainment with impunity and no consequences to younger and younger audiences every year] when what is vile is honored among men [when enough people continue to defend it, embrace it, pay for it, enjoy it, want it, submit to it].
  • Col. 2:8 Beware lest any man [by his influence] spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
  • 1 Cor. 15:33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
  • Rom. 5:19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.
  • Jude 1:4 For there are certain men* crept in unawares [secretly slipped in among you], who were before of old ordained to this condemnation [whose condemnation was written about long ago], ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness [a license for immorality], and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ. [*men: anthropos {anth’-ro-pos}, generic, a human being, whether male or female]
  • Matt. 25:40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto [or for] one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto [or for] me.
  • Luke 17:2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. [“Offend”: skandalizo – to entice to sin; to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey; to cause to fall away; to be offended in one, i.e. to see in another what I disapprove of and what hinders me from acknowledging his authority. “Little ones”: mikros – little;, small of age; younger which can include at-home teens].
  • Ps. 119:133 Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me [let no sin rule over me].
  • John 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
  • 1 Thess. 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. [“Evil” includes all things that are sinful.]

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