Darth Vader today announced that he has filed a $600 million lawsuit against George Lucas for defamation of character.
The lawsuit claims that Lucas became a billionaire off the badass cool of Vader, and yet far from being appreciative Lucas destroyed Vader’s image with a second trilogy that depicted him as a whiny youth rather than a Jedi force of super evil.
“Give it up Anakin, I have the higher ground? What is that crap? Do you think Darth Vader can’t deal with a little lava and lack of position?” I was the baddesst man in the galaxy, and then along comes Haden Christianson and I can’t look at my face in the mirror without being filled with regret and shame.”
“The second trilogy made Lucas a fortune, but what did it do for me? I went from the most fearsome presence in the galaxy to a spoiled child with puppy love issues. Someone owes Darth a hell of a lot of money!”
“Either release the footage of me banging Natalie Portman or send me a check!”