Los Angeles under Siege

Back in tlohanslumps_250.jpghe early ‘70s the killing spree of the Manson Family chilled Hollywood celebrities to the bone, my how things have changed. Despite having bruiser Arnold Schwarzenegger around as Governor, the city of Los Angeles is currently under siege by the celebrities themselves, and it seems to have left local law enforcement agencies completely in the lurch.

When these rich celebrities commit a serious crime, their high priced lawyers muddy up the waters so much that their dizzy jurors can’t seem to find a way to convict them. After O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, and Michael Jackson, Los Angeles is currently attempting to go 0-4 on major felony convictions with its trial of legendary nut ball gun lover Phil Spector.

Normally, that would be enough to make us less famous types hide under our beds while in the city of angels, but even when Los Angeles gets a conviction they can’t seem to figure out any good way of exacting justice. There are young drunk starlets out and about driving cars like Jethro hopped up on Moonshine, and the only good advice the District Attorney has for the people he serves is be careful when you cross the street.

The farce of attempting to make Paris Hilton and her paparazzi spend some time in jail was recently made apparent by Nicole Ritchie’s token 82 minutes behind bars, and Lindsey Lohan’s subsequent plea agreement that may see her spend a whole day in the stir for participating in a drunken chase through greater Los Angeles with some Cocaine in the pocket of the pants she was wearing that may or may not have actually been hers.

Prison Break actor Lane Garrison actually looked like he was going to spend some serious time in jail after his night of partying with underage kids led to a highway fatality, but now it looks like he could do as little as 90 days.

I don’t want to see these poor stars shanked in the shower, but Los Angeles should be exacting something of value in its search for justice against these out of control stars.

Listen Los Angeles, do exactly what it is that you do well. Build an on set jail, sentence these criminals to reality shows and record their time in jail. Kick the ones that behave off the show. If Mel Gibson calls someone sugar tits, I want it on film!

One Response to “Los Angeles under Siege”

  1. You know, when Felicity let loose, she played strip ping pong.

    But Young Hollywood is entitled. Lohan reportedly said, laws don’t apply to her, she’s a fucking star. Paris Hilton supposedly had a similar attitude, passed down to her by her lovely mother.

    But apparently Lindsay expressed contrition.

    Maybe if these young bitches today heard melancholy piano music in the background, they’d be more down to earth.

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