Got to Get You into My Life – The Beatles
Rock’s biggest love affair ended when Paul McCartney married Heather Mills. The jilted lover who this song was dedicated to was left behind by McCartney, who for some reason decided he felt too old to be sneaking into bathrooms to smoke marijuana. Thankfully, Paul has reunited with his lost love as he was recently seen enjoying a joint as he watched fellow dinosaurs Led Zeppelin reunite.
I often wonder. If Japan had refused to let Paul out of jail, would England have had to attack?
As for Paul and Heather, is anyone surprised that it didn’t work? I have no doubt that Paul has a lot to offer a woman, given his wealth and the fact that 50 years later he’s still a pretty cute dude, but if I were a woman it would be hard to be with a guy that was so into his dead wife. I mean you’re lying there next to Paul after some ex-Beatle sex and you have to know that once it’s over he’d rather have old Linda there with him. Heather and Paul could have died together in a car crash at their giddiest moment of love and Paul would have popped out of the car in heaven and said “Hi Linda, Daddy’s home.” Is modern love crass enough that it can survive that?
There was an episode of the brilliant Curb Your Enthusiasm, where Larry David was hesitant to commit to his wife for eternity. I wouldn’t and I’m a true believer in love. I have to believe that if there’s a heaven, we revert to a state of ourselves at our most beautiful. Kids who died suddenly become the greatest potential of themselves. You mean I suddenly get to hit on Marilyn Monroe at my best and you want me to commit to some chick I met in Akron after I lost my hair? Not likely.
Plagiarism or just a really obvious idea? I swear I wrote this before that season finale of Curb, where Larry goes to heaven, gets his hair back, and finds out Marilyn has a crush on him. Did Larry David hack into my computer? God, I hope I have better things to do when I make my millions.