I heard Howard Stern talking about super morbidly obese people this morning. First off I feel bad for these people. If you’re a little overweight, it’s probably something that you should deal with, but if they need two adjectives to go with your obesity, you’re obviously just fucked and it’s probably time for your family to burn their house down around you like in the Johnny Depp – Leonardo Dicaprio movie “What’s wrong with Gilbert Grape.” (Can you imagine how much that cast would cost today? Strangely I can’t remember what was wrong with Gilbert Grape other than that he seemed to be depressed that his mother barely fit in her bedroom and his brother was autistic. Can a woman that huge really give birth to two kids as good looking and fit as Depp and Dicaprio – that’s like two of the top 10 prettiest males alive, which I’m guessing requires Jolie-Pitt calibur genes.)
I got sidetracked there didn’t I? Super morbidly obese. I tried to find out the definition of this and actually had a ton of trouble finding a place that listed the different classes. I did, however, find out that there is also a class called super super morbidly obese. These excessively descriptive diagnoses have to end. At some point, your just really fucking overweight, and I’m guessing that that could be treated a lot more cheaply than super morbid obesity.
Roughly…
Morbidly Obesity = (BMI of 40 or higher) 100 lbs over your ideal weight for your height.
Super Morbidly Obesity = (BMI of 50 or higher) Double (200 %) the weight recommended for your height.
Super Super Obese, sometimes called Malingnant Obesity = (BMI of 60 or higher) Two and a half times (250%) the weight recommended for your height.
A man 5 foot 9 inches should weigh no more than 170 lbs. When you weight 410 lbs, like me, you are classified Malignantly Obese.