The Jedi are child molesters!

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Please don’t shoot me I’m just the messenger.

I want it known up front that I have nothing at all against homosexuality, I am not pushing a homophobic agenda, I am merely interpreting the film that I have just witnessed and the messages seem pretty obvious to me.

The doomed heroes of the Star Wars franchise are the Jedi Warriors; we know this because they stick to the good side of the force and avoid the evil dark side. After seeing Episode III it becomes all too apparent that the dark side is heterosexuality. The Jedi are at best homosexual or asexual, at worst it seems pretty clear that they may be pedophiles. I know that this sounds like blasphemy, but please hear me out.

No Jedi are married not Yoda, not Obi Wan, not badass Mace Windu, they don’t even have girlfriends. Additionally, there is not one female Jedi. There is in fact an overwhelming lack of females in the entire movie if not the entire series. The Jedi spend all their time amongst themselves “training” by battling with their obviously phallic light sabers. When Obi Wan recruits young Anakin Skywalker by separating him from his natural mother, he is initially told that he is too young. They fear that he will reject their affection for young boys and rat them out to the rest of the heterosexual republic.

Crisis occurs when Skywalker marries Padme and impregnates her. This should be the most normal thing in the world shouldn’t it? Instead we are told that it would mean banishment from the Jedi for Anakin. When Anakin goes to Yoda, for help, Yoda comes right out and says that love is nothing but the dark side of the force. Anakin’s heterosexuality is a complete anathema to the Jedi way. In fact, Episode III is nothing but a love triangle between Padme and Obi Wan for Anakin’s affections. Anakin quickly learns that the only way to protect his heterosexuality is to align himself with Darth Sidius, who promises Anakin that he can protect the life of his true love Padme. This is unacceptable to the Jedi, who go to overwhelming lengths to combat Sirius’ attempt to save their love. When Anakin, finally chooses heterosexuality, his first action is to kill the young boys being “trained” by the Jedi. They have been polluted by the Jedi and must die in order to stop the abnormal chain of pedophilia. Enraged by this, Obi Wan cuts off Anakin’s body at the waist making it impossible for him to ever love another woman again. His final words being something along the lines of I loved you, you ruined everything. This is not my view it’s all there in the film.

As a reward for his service to the slain Jedi, Yoda promises to reunite Obi Wan with his original master, when he was “initiated,” the dead Qui-Gon Jinn. It boggles the mind what kind of relationship ship Obi Wan has with a dead guy for the next nineteen years, but that’s where Lucas leads us.

Think about all six movies. Only one character ever had any notions of sexuality, Han Solo. Han Solo, by his name does not hang around with packs of other men, much less boys. He does hang with a big gorilla looking thing, but I don’t really even want to go there. Despite Solo’s bravery and skill, he is never asked to become a Jedi. In fact, his aid to the Jedi, who he seems to regard as a bunch of weirdoes, is really only an excuse to woo Leia. I’m not sure what he’s worried about because clearly, by the lack of women around, the Jedi have no interest whatsoever.

Hey, if this is Lucas coming out so be it, but don’t ignore the propaganda. Although most of us who go to enjoy the special effects and the eye candy ignore the underlying themes, think about who the hardcore fans of the movies are. You know the ones who camp out for weeks dressed up like freaks to receive the latest word from their master. They are predominantly young males, who have nearly no contact with anyone of the female gender. Coincidence, I doubt it.

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