The Single Greatest Movie Review Ever

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http://www.capalert.com/capreports/sincity.htm

I love to read reviews by anyone and religious zealots especially. These people didn’t like Sin City. It got a perfect score of zero out of 100!

But the greatest thing about the review is that the reviewer had to chronical every single offensive thing about the movie – and he fond a lot!  Poor sap probably had to watch the damn thing 15 times!

“Sin City is yet another film that tends to remind me of the paintings in which a gaggle of demons dance and prance about a boiling cauldron, shrieking with glee as they toss soul after soul into the cauldron of Hell, cauterizing any veins of escape.”

 

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

  • multiple bullet impacts with blood, splatter and body part loss
  • multiple instances of slicings, lacerations, incisions, impalements, avulsions and amputations
  • cartoon images of firearm and blade assaults
  • child abduction by a pedophile
  • fist fighting
  • assault with metal pipe
  • gunfire cutting off forearm and to the male privates
  • scene of multiple gunfire injuries, graphic
  • scene of multiple gunfire killings, graphic
  • threat to kill, repeatedly
  • action violence, repeatedly
  • planning murder, repeatedly
  • assault on police, multiple, graphic
  • assault to eyes
  • firearm threat, repeatedly
  • pistol whipping, repeatedly, graphic
  • gunfire to privates
  • dragging man by car with face against the pavement
  • attempted murder by car, numerous times with sight of victim being thrown and bouncing each time
  • attempted gunfire murder, repeatedly
  • surviving impossible gunfire injuries that would result in death, repeatedly
  • assault with sledge hammer, graphic
  • heads of five disembodied women mounted as trophies, victims of cannibalism, repeatedly
  • woman speaking of man who had eaten her hand while she watched
  • assault with a rock
  • assault with axe to the private parts
  • many gunfire injuries of varying severity, repeatedly
  • gore, repeatedly
  • beating assault
  • man hitting a woman, repeatedly
  • double amputation
  • dog eating stubs of amputations
  • severed head, repeatedly, sometimes talking/moving
  • man kissing severed head
  • beating with baseball bats
  • talk of eating women
  • arm breaking assault
  • electrocution execution
  • many threats of many kinds
  • illegal flight to avoid lawful capture
  • firearms for offense, many
  • killing/injuring with slicing weapons, repeatedly, some graphic
  • beheading
  • more amputation
  • gushing/splattering of blood, repeatedly
  • impalement injuries, repeatedly, some graphic
  • bodies strewn about
  • slicing up five bodies to be able to fit them into a car trunk
  • semiautomatic pistol slide rack impaled into forehead
  • dead bodies talking
  • assault by strangulation of woman
  • another severed head, repeatedly, sometimes talking
  • knife impalements, repeatedly
  • gunfire to kill, repeatedly
  • biting gore
  • brutality, repeatedly
  • victim joking with spear and arrows protruding through him
  • blood lust
  • extortion with wife’s life
  • beating gore, repeatedly
  • severed finger
  • admission of contemplating suicide
  • threat to kill with broken window pane glass
  • manually ripping male private parts off a manImpudence/Hate (I)
  • 76 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
  • lusting for murder
  • wish to kill
  • lies, repeatedly
  • stuffing head in toilet with feces to intimidate, twice
  • calling murder an art
  • “Power comes by lying”
  • sadism
  • torture with whip as “foreplay”Sexual Immorality (S)
  • graphically descriptive talk of rape and murder of an 11 year old girl
  • making out
  • intercourse with nudity
  • nudity, upper female, repeatedly
  • nudity, female rear, repeatedly, some close-up
  • sex talk
  • thong nudity, repeatedly
  • homosexual reference
  • ghosting of female anatomy through thin clothing, repeatedly
  • translucent nudity
  • women as toys
  • sensuous dance, repeatedly
  • dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure, repeatedly
  • nude woman with appendages hiding gender-specifics
  • anatomical references, repeatedly
  • man and woman in bed together
  • cohabitation
  • sexual threats
  • camera angle to force viewer on private parts, repeatedly
  • prostitutes, many and prostitute dress, repeatedly
  • soliciting prostitution, repeatedly
  • talk of showing privates to each other
  • offer of sex, repeatedly
  • inappropriate touch
  • pedophile
  • threat of sexual torture
  • full male nudity with privates hidden by shadows, repeatedly, many angles
  • sexual innuendoDrugs/Alcohol (D):
  • smoking, repeatedly
  • drinking, repeatedly
  • drunkenness, repeatedly
  • bar, repeatedly
  • booze, repeatedly
  • abuse of prescription medicationOffense to God (O)
  • “Goldy [a prostitute] worked the clergy”
  • speaking of eating not only flesh but souls as well
  • name calling with “fool” [Matt. 5:22]
  • eight uses of God’s name in vain with the four letter expletive and six withoutMurder/Suicide (M)
  • gunfire murder, at least 13 individual plus a multiple, graphic
  • axe to forehead murder, graphic
  • neck twist murder
  • beating murder, at least two, graphic
  • squeezing head murder
  • blade murders, at least six, graphic
  • arrow murder, at least three, graphic
  • murder by slicing off top of head, graphic
  • gunfire suicide, graphic
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