Things to be depressed about 11/24

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What better way to keep a small audience riveted than being constantly hopeful and upbeat.

“I’ll show him a man without hope is a man without fear!” – The Kingpin redefining Daredevil’s nickname.

I ordered some Wiseguy DVD’s from Amazon. They sent me the wrong ones. I was going to keep them but of course one of them didn’t play. Of course, I did watch the ones that didĀ before returning themĀ and one of the episodes was narrated by Ken Wahl. It’s the episode where Vinny gives McPike $1.25 million dollars to save his wife, who needs a liver. After McPike wrestles with the morality of taking the money, she gets her liver and then leaves him. Ken Wahl was pretty amusing, “I wanted to write in the next scene where Vinnie goes and strangles that bitch. He just gave her over a million dollars!”

The cool thing was that Wahl chose the episode because it showed off another actor Jonathan Banks, who I’m also extremely fond of. Wahl was a good actor, but his life was destroyed by a motorcycle accident than left him in constant pain that he has said can only be relieved with Vodka. I legitimately feel for him, because living that way has to take your soul.

But what I’m most depressed about is that I couldn’t find a picture on the internet of his first wife Corinne Alphen. Corinne Alphen was the Penthouse Pet that defined my youth. Just the hottest woman of all time. So hot that Roger Ebert singled her out in a stupid teen flick for being basically really hot.

“That’s too bad, especially since “Spring Break” co-stars a young woman named Corinne Alphen, who is described as Penthouse’s 1982 Pet of the Year. Sad to say, most of the Pets and Playmates who win movie roles turn out to be sort of self-conscious and untalented as actresses. Not Corinne Alphen. She has a dazzling smile, a great personality and a relaxed naturalness on the screen that makes the Horny Teenage Boys seem all the more gauche.

A funny little movie might have been made about her adventures in Fort Lauderdale, “where the boys are.” She would have had the personality to carry it. Instead, the lockstep mentalities who made this movie tell their story entirely from a boring male point of view, supply us with male wimps and studs who are equally uninteresting, and view women only as wet T-shirt finalists. What a letdown for horny movie critics. ”

I just can’t believe I could not find any picture of this woman on the internet. Her name still manages to bring up porn sites, but after much searching — nothing.

And I thought if anything that the internet showed that we were the master builders of the greatest porn repository of all time. How sad and disappointing.

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