If I had a better life and career this would be my Holiday Card for my blog, but I don’t so I’m stealing this guy’s.
The only thing my mother has ever made me do was go to Sunday School until I was confirmed. I missed a ton of days and behaved like an absolute brat nearly every second I was there, but I did eventually finish. Some of the Sunday School teachers practically thought I was retarded. I questioned the whole idea of religion almost immediately and for the most part a couple years earlier than most of my peers. So I had moved from arguing with teachers to pretty much avoiding ever being in class. What were they going to do to me make me come back the next week? It’s really hard to flunk out of a religion.
The other day Jon Stewart mocked Fox News for being outraged at Christmas parties being renamed holiday parties. Here’s the truth. I was made to feel like a misfit when all the other kids were having to learn Christmas carols. And I absolutely loved it. Hey, Jeff, isn’t it awesome that we get to just hang out instead of being stuck in there singing dreck with the rest of them. Believe me it wasn’t all Glee when I was in school.
Once, right before being confirmed they made us go to this overnight camp. It was sort of their last bid at convincing us to stick with things when we were old enough to have to pay dues. One last propaganda shot for what Roger Waters once called “Mind Control.” Fortunately, I missed most of it because of a debate tournament, but the one lecture I wound up having to go to was this local Jewish lawyer. He was proudly telling us about the schools he was suing for wasting time on Christmas songs and excluding us Jews from the holiday festivities. I was incensed at this guy. The coolest thing for a Jewish kid ever is the fact that he gets to skip school on the High Holidays of Rosh Hashanah and the fact that we got to goof off while the others were being indoctrinated with carol singing.
So I raised my 17 year old punk hand and said, “Dude do you know who wrote White Christmas?” Irving, yeah Irving, Berlin. Birth name: Israel Isidore Baline! We can live with a little bit of non-secular nonsense and don’t you dare ever get them to make me learn Hanukkah songs! Why don’t you completely go off the farm and screw with our presents? I know that Hanukkah is in reality a pretty minor holiday. I don’t care – we still want our presents. Irving Berlin made a ton of money over Christmas. I got a lot of time off of school. I can live with being made to feel different for a few weeks in December. I mean this was hardly the moral equivalence of Selma, Alabama.
Warmest wishes Brad.
And since when did Jews get out of singing Christmas carols in school? I had to do it. We had to even attend that stupid Santa Lucia ceremony where a 13 year old girl paraded around with a crown full of candles. Smooth idea to mix fire and hair spray.