Site icon Brad Laidman: Elvis Needs Boats

All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.

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Jeff Spicoli: [Desmond re-enters; Spicoli follows with bagel stuffed into crotch; with open shirt, barefoot, holding Vans] Wait a minute, there’s no birthday party for me here! Hello, Mr. Hand.
Mr. Hand: What’s the reason for your truancy?
Jeff Spicoli: Just couldn’t make it on time.
Mr. Hand: You couldn’t, or you wouldn’t?
Jeff Spicoli: See, there was a full crowd at the food lines.
Mr. Hand: Food will be eaten on YOUR time. Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why do you shamelessly waste my time like this?
Jeff Spicoli: [long pause, but then with complete truth in his answer] I don’t know.
Mr. Hand: [Mr. Hand goes to blackboard and writes the words ‘I Don’t Know’, then underlines them]
[reciting]
Mr. Hand: I like that. ‘I Don’t Know.’ That’s nice.
[imitating]
Mr. Hand: ‘Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?’ Gee, Mr. Spicoli, I don’t know! You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to leave your words right up here for all my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.
Jeff Spicoli: All right!