You think that I am joking, but I am not. I’m 100% serious. “Gilligan’s Island” is a very stupid show, and its star is supposedly very stupid, but you can learn from stupidity. It’s really the only way people ever learn.
So Gilligan’s island IS a perfect society. It works perfectly as long as it is was it is. Seven people living on a tropical island in perpetual paradise. Only two things ever cause them any unhappiness.
- Anytime anyone else comes to the island they become unhappy
- They don’t realize how fortunate they are to be alone on the island and keep wanting to get off of it.
Usually, both of these things mess them up in every episode.
Clearly, they do sort of live in the Garden of Eden. Great weather; decent enough company; they have enough food; no one is particularly evil, and they usually get along.
Their boat crashing was the best thing that ever happened to any of them.
They don’t have to worry about what they will wear the next day, because they only planned for a three-hour tour so they wear the same thing every day, and it tells you who they are and how they function in their society.
The Howells are an exception in that they used to be rich, and I guess if you are rich even if you somehow decide to scrimp and take a shitty cheap boat tour that you take a lot of personal stuff with you.
The Howells are married and love each other, but they are too old to have kids.
Thurstan, as rich people go, is relatively benign. If he were off the island, he might be a monster, but he is fairly decent on the island. His wife is fairly benign as long as Thurstan treats her well and he does, because he really has no other options.
I believe Chris Rock said that men were basically as faithful as their options. Well, Thurstan really has none here.
They are never really going to get off that island (at least in its original incarnation), the fact that they don’t know that actually doesn’t hurt them that much it sort of helps them.
In a big society, Thurstan would mess everything up, but he doesn’t here.
Really, all he wants is some sort of status and comfort for him and his wife. He gets that mostly because he is rich and the other people give him that status hoping that if they get off the island, he will hook them up a bit. He’s really too old to cheat and the other two women on the island do not want sex from him.
The two women on the island basically get along and everyone likes them, but no one likes them too much.
They have small issues.
Ginger was once a movie star and thinks that makes her special. It does and that’s how she gets her status.
Marie Ann can feel superior inside because she is more wholesome and less vain. That is how she gets her status.
They both want to be with the professor and sort of compete for him, which keeps them at their best. Ginger will be glamorous and Mary Ann will be wholesome, and the professor will get to choose, which thing or person he values more.
The professor has a ton of status and could screw things up. He could have either woman. If he chooses one or the other, he will mess things up. If he tries to have both, he will really mess things up.
He doesn’t though for reasons as mysterious as his real name. Only one person on this show really has a name that was in the original theme. The rest are defined as their titles and they are all at some point in the theme song.
The Howells are not the Howells. They are the millionaire and his wife.
Ginger is really the movie star.
Mary Anne was too insignificant oiginally be in the them song and is decent enough not to care.
The professor is the professor. He gets tons of status because he is the professor and both women kind of want him.
Luckily, he is despite his scientific brilliance, either too naive to understand that both women want him or he never cares or thinks about it. Mostly, he only thinks about science, and mostly he only thinks about getting off the island. He’s basically the stupidest one on the island, which is a good thing.
When there is very little chance of getting off the island, they are all at their happiest and the professor uses his brain to keep them alive and in some comfort.
Neither of the women ever get too vicious with each other because they basically know that neither has a chance with the professor. They could each have their own bungalo, but that would be sort of lonely. So they are mostly sisters competing for a little attention.
The professor has his own bungalow, more status, because his mission is so important, and he is never lonely because he has to try and get them off the island or do some other smart function. Since he’s clearly seen as the smartest on the island, no one ever has to compete for that title.
Everyone knows their place in this perfect society.
The Skipper has been trained to always think of his crew first, and he has more of a reason to do so because he basically feels responsible for getting them on the island.
He has some status as that, but not much, he still keeps his title somehow even after his boat is useless. That wouldn’t be enough normally, but he has one other thing, he has someone beneath him, Gilligan.
Gilligan is the only name that matters and it’s why it is in the title of the show. He’s the hero. No one ever realizes that, but he is always the hero. Even when he is obviously the hero by the next day they have forgotten about what really happened and each have their own versions of the story, each one making themselves the real hero.
The only time they are ever in trouble is when someone else comes to the island, which usually makes getting off the island seem possible.
Every time that happens, Gilligan fucks it up through his sheer stupidity, which actually saves them all, because they’d be much worse off if they got off the island.
Now really vicious people would figure out that if they really want to get off the island that they should kill Gilligan immediately, but that doesn’t happen for a number of reasons.
- They think Gilligan is decent
- They think Gilligan is too stupid not to keep being stupid
- At least they aren’t as stupid as Gilligan
- They can blame all of their problems on Gilligan
- They can boss Gilligan around
- Gilligan will do all the real work
They are all relatively happy and only their misguided dreams of being happier ever mess things up, but those dreams somehow keep them waking up every day and being somewhat happy.
They all have what they have and may want more, but can’t get more as long as they are on the island.
This situation only really sucks for Gilligan. Perhaps, he does everything for everybody because he is so stupid and he feels bad about his stupidity, but there is one thing that you learn from the theme song immediately.
Gilligan is fearless.
Everyone’s problems are mostly caused by fear. Gilligan is fearless.
He could be really stupid, but I like to think that he is actually the smartest guy on the island, but has no ego.
At no point do you ever think that Gilligan is ever screwing you over. He is obviously too decent and maybe that stupid.
He is very decent. He also doesn’t care. He’s happy with himself and happy with his station as last man on the totem pole.
He is really running everything, but he has no ego so he never has to point it out. He knows they are happy enough as they are. He knows that they will be less happy if they get off the island.
That’s why he always purposefully fucks up getting off the island by “acting” stupid. He always saves them all. He always takes all of the blame. He doesn’t care, because he is clearly the most decent person on the island.
In that way he is Christlike, but he knows only one thing will mess things up. He can’t ever tell them it is all orchestrated by him to ensure all of their happiness. He has no ego. He has no need to be worshiped. He’s happy making them all happy.
He also knows that’s as good an outcome as possible. You can’t add another character into the mix. That would mess up the whole balance. That’s why no one can ever have kids and no one who ever visits gets left behind. All consciously executed by Gilligan.
Every single episode is the same. Every single episode is stupid. They are always mostly happy and mostly happy is as good as possible.
You don’t ever need to watch a single episode of this stupidity. Pretty much everything you need to know about the show is in the barely longer than a minute opening of the first show.
You sort of want Gilligan and Mary Ann to be together, but Gilligan is not a half baked visionary. He gives that up too by choice.
Who got them all on that boat for that three-hour tour? It wasn’t the Skipper, he’s way too lazy. Everything is done by Gilligan and everything on purpose.
If there is a God, he caused that act of nature that got them stuck on the island. Gilligan had advance info and knew how to pick his five passengers way better than Noah did.
They never die, because there are reruns. It doesn’t matter which episode is on because they are all equally stupid and completely the same.
The only one who knows this is the star of the show, the guy whose name is in the title, and the one who selflessly never really messes it up by pointing it out, Gilligan.
I don’t think that I’m the only one who has ever posited a scenario like this, but I’ve noticed mostly they posit the opposite that this is hell. It’s not, it is heaven. Those people all have thier sights set way too high, which is everyone’s probelm. That’s why I’ve never read any of them and only their titles. This show tells you everything by its title. Those theories do the same with their titles.
If I’m not the only one who correctly has seen this, it is because to anyone that isn’t stupid, it’s that fucking obvious!
I’m vain and selfish. If you ask me, I’ll tell you that Bob Denver, played the exact same character serving the exact same function better on a far better show when he was Maynard G. Krebs on “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis.”
I would. Gilligan wouldn’t, Maynard G Krebs wouldn’t, and Bob Denver never did.
