Me and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

I’m a big fan of art that normally isn’t found in museums, and as this art – rock and roll, comic books, movies, television, and their assorted paraphernalia has ascended in popularity there has been a trend towards confining it into the cold houses of boredom that it initially rebelled against. Thus, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, fought for by Clevelanders, who are year after year insulted by the fact that its induction ceremony still takes place in New York. I’ve been to the Hall. It’s enjoyable for what it is, I dug seeing Jim Morrison’s Boy Scout Uniform, but despite the good intentions behind it, it will inevitably be just another means of co-opting the rebellion and the joy behind the music. It’s a Hard Rock Café without the hamburgers. If Chuck Berry built a Rock Hall there would definitely be hamburgers.

I always sort of wanted to be the cool teacher who introduced kids to Kurt Vonnegut and encouraged them to take the stuff they enjoyed and branch out from there. A few years after I blew off becoming a math teacher I was in Cleveland sort of with a mid life crisis (I’ve had like 6 so far) and there was an article in the paper about how the guy who was in charge of the education arm of the Hall of Fame had been fired for showing a video of Jimi Hendrix to some kids – where you could see a topless woman in the audience – and I figured this is my dream job and started e-mailing everyone at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame figuring I had found my dream gig.

One day I put a suit on and tried to find someone to talk to, unsuccessfully as it turned out, but I did convince them to let me sit in on one of their classes and it really made me upset – the subject was “Multiculturalism and Rock and Roll” and what really bugged me was their song selections almost seemed to indicate that they didn’t really like Rock and Roll or were even scared by the real thing.

The ones I remember were Paul Simon’s Graceland, Eleanor Rigby and a Jaz Coleman orchestrated version of a Doors song. You definitely don’t want to get me on the cultural imperialism that is Graceland (Was Simon’s title consciously playing on the accusations of Elvis stealing from another culture? I doubt it). The Coleman selection, I just don’t know why it was there, Rock and Roll should have value on its own not because some geek decided to use an orchestra to legitimize it. Rigby I admire, but it just seemed to me that this was something that someone who really didn’t like the genre would pick. It’s not a rock song other than it was done by a rock artist. In its aim at something seemingly more legitimate (it always sort of bugged me that George Martin seemed to think A Day in the Life was 1000 times better than She Loves You because it took 1000 times longer to record) it really just seemed like a huge bait and switch that would really turn me off if I were a kid looking forward to a visit to the Hall. Anyway, if you want a job at the hall, make sure you have a PHD. The DIY espoused by Rotten and company is verboten.

Bob Dylan: Great paintings shouldn’t be in museums. Museum’s are cemeteries. Paintings should be on the walls of restaurants, in dime stores, in gas stations, in men’s rooms … Music is the only thing that’s in tune with what’s happening. It’s not in book form, it’s not on the stage … It’s not the bomb that has to go, man, it’s the museums.

My Advice to All Grade School Kids Lucky Enough to Go to the Hall on a Field Trip

Steal stuff from the gift shop and if you get caught say that 90% of the inductees would have done the same. Just to be literate mention Abby Hoffman’s Steal This Book and how he was friends with John Lennon.

The only teachers that were worth having were the one’s that would amusedly appreciate that answer enough to give it partial credit.

I later wrote this out of anger

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Do You Secretly Hate Rock and Roll Quiz

Inspired by Craig Woodson Head of Education for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Hint: If you answer 4 to all of the following you too can work at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!!

Your favorite Beatles rave up is
1. Twist and Shout
2. Revolution
3. Helter Skelter
4. Eleanor Rigby

Your favorite Doors Album is
1. The Doors
2. Morrison Hotel
3. One of those cool albums after that nasty Jim Morrison died
4. Jaz Coleman’s Riders on the Storm: A Doors Concerto!

The true king of Rock and Roll is
1. Elvis Presley
2. Little Richard
3. Bill Haley
4. Pat Boone

The greatest artist in hip hop history is
1. Dr. Dre
2. Chuck D
3. Snoop Dog
4. Vanilla Ice

My favorite Rock Opera is
1. The Who’s Tommy
2. The Small Faces’
  Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake
3. Pink Floyd’s The Wall
4. Cats!

The most significant Third World Rocker of all time is
1. Bob Marley
2. Fela
3. Ravi Shankar
4. Paul Simon

Rock and Roll Died When
1. Buddy Holly’s plane went down
2. The Beatles broke up
3. Elvis died
4. The Osmonds broke up

The Greatest Rock Drummer of All Time was
1. Keith Moon
2. John Bonham
3. Ginger Baker
4. Chris from the Partridge Family

The Greatest Song in Rock History is
1. Hey Jude
2. Stairway to Heaven
3. Sympathy for the Devil
4. MacArthur
  Park

My Favorite Vocal on Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band is
1. John singing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
2. Paul singing When I’m 64
3. Ringo singing With a Little Help from my Friends
4. George Burns singing Fixing a Hole

The songs in the movie Ishtar are
1. Clever parody
2. Sung off key
3. Nothing to make you forget Kermit singing The Rainbow Connection
4. A Rocking Good Time

Greatest Punk Record Ever
1. The Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks
2. The Clash – London Calling
3. Nirvana – Nevermind
4. Soleil Moon Frye – Punky Brewster Sings!

The Greatest Talent in the Beatles was
1. John Lennon
2. Paul McCartney
3. George Harrison
4. Please everyone knows they were nothing but George Martin