My website gets few hits, but the post that without a doubt does get the most hits is this one from January 14th, 2008:
“Rodger Penzabene Lost Romantic”
Now at that point, I was a published writer online and in print.
When I wrote it that day, I had little else to offer. Mostly what I did have was enough money to spend $8 dollars for a really, interesting English music magazine called Mojo, that trafficked mostly in reveling in older pop music and looking at the stories behind them.
So I read the very little known legend of Rodger Penzabene in Mojo and sort of saw a kindred spirit, pretty much from memory just retold their story, and added a couple comments about what it potentially meant to me. The story probably well misinterpreted was that he was a true romantic, who was so blindly in love with his wife and with love itself that upon hearing of her infidelity he shot himself on New Year’s Eve of 1967 at 23.
I put very little thought or time into that post. I certainly never thought or wanted it to be the defining post of my website. I didn’t pin it to the front of the site so everyone who came to it saw it first. There are a lot of long posts here that are very meaningful and tell you about my life, my choices and evolving beliefs that I am desperate for people to read this was in no way one of them.
It took less than 10 minutes to write and I perhaps had given it even less thought when I wrote it.
There are many vapid posts on my sites about TV shows or other ephemera that aired for a second that I thought were absurd and wrote one line jokes talking about how silly they were and moved on. Later I would see them and realize no one remembered that show even existed, they won’t get my joke, and I just deleted them. Keeping them up would only celebrate that I had wasted so much time in my life mostly through insomnia that I had seen these idiotic shows, and somehow celebrate that fact, which isn’t really the intent of my site, isn’t going to bring traffic to my better work, so I did delete them.
The thing that hit me when I read the Mojo article was:
Wow, here is this guy who wrote a lot of songs that are considered not only great Motown songs, but perhaps defining Motown songs, and I had never heard of him. And indeed if I, who am willing to read nearly everything about Motown and know so many amazing stories about what happened at that Detroit label where there seemed to be an endless amount of epically talented people all in the same place then almost no one else has heard of him either.
That’s one of the fascinating things about Motown. If you have 1000 geniuses all mulling around and interacting some of them will be lost to history.
Berry Gordy had all those talented people competing against each other for the ability to heard and that super competitive atmosphere led to great art. Mostly all the money went to Berry Gordy and there have been endless arguments since about who really deserved the real credit and/or money.
There are perhaps a thousand books about Motown, to write a definitive book about the company (It was exactly that. Gordy took music and applied Henry Ford’s nearby assembly line process to it, which doesn’t sound very artistic.) seems impossible given the time that has passed, the people who have died in its wake, and the sheer volume and differing remembered perspectives of that story. There were a lot of men and women there who did great things, weren’t given there due, and were forgotten, and that is why there will probably be 10,000 more books published about Motown of varying quality with varying levels of integrity behind them. I may wind up reading them all.
I probably did look around the internet for information about Rodger Penzabene, found nothing but a very brief Wikipedia entry on him that echoed the Mojo story and little else and moved on. I never considered whether that story was true or not. I presumed it to be true, but didn’t research whether it was, perhaps I just thought no one has heard of this guy, what he did in his short time on earth, and now they have somewhere else to see it. The story was also sad in every possible way and seemed meaningful to me. I did identify erroneously with the “legend” of him.
I have listened to a lot of Motown songs and was surprised to find out how many of them were very sad.
“My Girl” by the Temptations, who Rodger Penzabene is most famous for writing for if he is known at all, is seemingly one of the most joyful expressions of appreciation at finding true love, ever written. It is a very simple song by Smokey Robinson, and needn’t be complex, but love and relationships are complex.
Penzabene wrote this classic “You’re My Everything,” with his friend Cornelius Grant, and apparently it came out quick and pure and the song is the same. There is nothing sad in it.
You’re my everything
You never have to worry, never fear
For I am near
There’s nothing that can harm you in the lonely night
Yes, so strong my love
So if you listen and hear that in a vacuum, it does sound like Rodger was a guy who took “love” very seriously.
Very recently, I talked to someone who would know how he felt about love, and was told that what he indeed did love most was not a woman or even the thought of a woman, but “music” and that every time he wrote about “love” he was actually talking about music. There have been many direct paeans to music written. There have been many complex pop songs written about a lot of subjects, but most pop songs are about boys and girls falling in love, and most Motown songs were about that.
So if a writer wanted to talk about something more complex and was at Motown, it is completely understandable that he would take those complex thoughts and frame it in a boy/girl context. Once he finished that song he likely set it free, gave people the ability to love or hate it for any reason, whether they got his intent or not, and moved on to writing another song.
So if you do go to the incredibly flawed Wikipedia, their post about “You’re My Everything” will show the same misinterpretation and the same myth that ignorant people (and for a moment in 2008 I was one of them) desperately want to cling. The article claims to have many issues, but everyone ignores that every time they look at Wikipedia.
There is real sentiment behind the song’s words, as lyricist Penzabene wrote his songs as personal statements to his wife, to let her know how much he cared about. Later he would find out she had been unfaithful to him and publicized his pain in the songs, “I Wish It Would Rain” and “I Could Never Love Another (After Loving You)”, to show her how much he was hurt by her. After both of those songs were completed and recorded, Penzabene committed suicide.
First, I think there are real sentiment in those words, but that is an opinion and Wikipedia is not supposed to be for opinions it’s supposed to be for facts.
Second, it is grammatically atrocious in every way.
Third, it casually states as fact that Penzabene wrote his songs “as personal statements to his wife.” There is no source or proof of that statement, and it is a statement that should not be made casually about someone who has been dead for 40 years, who lived a short life, who was not well known, and perhaps was not the type of person to be fully known by even those closest to him.
If in fact, Penzabene always meant “music” when he wrote “love” the whole thing falls apart and becomes really ugly and detrimental both to his legacy and to everyone who suffered after he passed.
So because of this probable misinterpretation or mere ignorance of the truth. “I Wish It Would Rain” would go on because of that myth to be considered by ignorant people to be the only song you needed to hear to understand his entire life, which is inane because nothing under three minutes no matter how talented you are can encapsulate your entire life’s story. When it is merely one of many songs you have written, and you’ve never told anyone that it was your personal life statement, it is incredibly vapid to treat it that way no matter what did happen perhaps a year after you wrote it or even ten days after it was released.
So it does again sound like a guy very desperately sad about a woman. But if in fact, every time Penzabene wrote about love he meant music he isn’t crying about a woman he is crying about how his music is being heard and treated, something for which he boldly proclaims “I refuse to explain” and that makes infinitely more sense than infidelity, which happens to everybody all of the time.
That explanation also makes perfect sense when it comes to Motown, which is maybe the greatest example of tons of really talented people expressly incited to play “King of the Hill” every single day in order to turn their artistic talents and ambitions into commerce. They literally would have meetings where people would bring in tons of great songs to pitch and perhaps only a few would get advanced and promoted properly.
Norman Whitfield, who is listed as a co-writer on “I Wish It Would Rain,” regardless of what he contributed to it or not, had tons of things that he wanted to do with Temptations for a very long time, but the group was seen to be Smokey Robinson’s possession. Whitfield had to wait frustrated to get a chance to do them. In fact, when Whitfield later cut “I Heard It Through The Grapevine,” with Marvin Gaye, which many people feel had major unaccredited contributions by Penzabene, he knew he had recorded a masterpiece. Dave Marsh wrote an acclaimed book called “The Heart Of Rock & Soul: The 1001 Greatest Singles Ever Made” and his choice for number one was exactly that song.
The song was written as early as 1966, and there were many versions of it (This was the case with many Motown songs, where again Gordy would take a bunch of talent and let them battle it out to be the one to release it.) The first was by the Miracles and then possibly there was an Isley Brothers version. When Whitfield captured Gaye’s version he wanted it released immediately, and Berry Gordy blocked it. Who knows why he did, but Berry Gordy had the final say in every matter at Motown until Marvin Gaye heroically refused to record anything else until Gordy released “What’s Going On” years later.
The song was first released and became a bit hit for Gladys Night and the Pips (not pimps) in 1967. Whitfield still wanted Marvin’s version released as a single, but it wasn’t. Gordy still refused. Whitfield made it an album cut, and at Motown at that time a song being on an album and not released as a single usually meant death for that song. In fact, most Motown albums then were merely singles surrounded by filler. Somehow Marvin’s version of “Grapevine” started getting so much radio play that Gordy had to release it as a single. Whitfield knew Gaye’s version was a masterpiece and had to deal with endless frustration for over a year to get anybody to hear it.
All of this, waiting to get to work with the Temps forever, dealing with getting the version of “Grapevine” out that he wanted to be out made Whitfield infuriated and crazed, and he actually probably was making money and getting credit. That’s exactly how insane Motown was at the time, it was a big jungle fight encouraged by it’s owner Gordy, which produced a lot of great art for Gordy to profit from and left a ton of casualties in it’s wake. This situation may have made its artist work harder and achieve more artistry, but it certainly wasn’t a spiritually healthy atmosphere for an artist to be in.
Time always judges and Marvin’s version is pretty much considered definitive, but in the music business everything is about money so this happened.
Now imagine you are Rodger Penzabene. You may care some for credit and money, everyone has to care a little bit about money to survive, but the thing you perhaps care most about is your music and getting the chance to make it. The way to get your music made best is to get it recorded by the Funk Brothers, and their plate is already extremely full, their time is precious and competed over savagely, which is how Gordy wanted it.
Whether you are more or less talented than Whitfield, who you likely care for and admire, is irrelevant. What is however obvious is that you have been working extremely hard your entire life to make your music happen and without a doubt you are way behind Whitfield in the pecking order. In fact, that pecking order is perhaps a longer list than any artistic list ever, and you aren’t anywhere near the top of it even if you deserve to be. You probably already have written many songs that you didn’t get credit or control over and been told to wait your turn. Young passionate people are not patient and being so probably gets them and their goals nowhere. Whitfield didn’t rise up the pecking order by being patient, he was fighting like hell to get up that pecking order as was everybody else.
By 1967, If you are Rodger you have already written some stone cold classics, whether you’ve gotten paid or properly credited for them is subject for debate many years later and few will ever really know. You may have provided significant contributions to “Grapevine” and not gotten any credit or money out of it when see you see it become a big hit. You may still not care about credit or money, but you do care passionately about your ability to get your music made.
In fact, perhaps to the detriment of everything else in your life that may be all you care about. Norman Whitfield is way higher up on the ladder than you are and he’s damaged and growing more and more insane from it daily. So it isn’t really hard to see why Rodger likely was crying about his music, and in turn was defiantly refusing to explain.
That still doesn’t explain why he may or may not have committed suicide. No one can explain suicide not even those who attempt it or succeed at it. Thousand of books have tried and failed. People have been endlessly shocked and damaged forever when that happens whether it comes as a surprise or not.
I was at one of my lowest points ever in 1994, when I heard about Kurt Cobain’s suicide. I was sleeping in a friend’s bed and was woken by the phone. My friend’s girlfriend left a short message on his machine that merely said, “Kurt finally did it.” That message needed to be no longer, I didn’t know the grisly details and didn’t really want to, but it was so obvious to everyone alive that liked his music or followed him, that those four words told me instantly exactly what had happened. It was still shocking and damaging to “fans” and those who really were close to him and remains so.
No one has a clue about suicide, other than to detail the carnage that inevitably follows. You can go to symposiums filled with the best experts in the field, and I’m sure there have been many. You can listen to every word and learn nothing to explain it.
I’ve often been asked by professionals if I had ever considered suicide and for the most part honestly always said no. I’ve never once thought that would happen to me and it hasn’t, but I do know that the closest I ever came to it was not on days where I was crying, depressed, and obsessed with my personal issues or demons. The worst days were when I just looked around and felt nothing, no despair, just no reason to get out of bed and go or do anything. I just felt blah.
That still doesn’t say anything of value about Rodger Penzabene and what happened to him. If he did commit suicide, he may or may not have known why, no one may ever know. If he did know why, he likely again would “refuse to explain.”
All that remains is to recognize that he was a talented, passionate artist, who left a lot of great songs and turmoil behind in the wake of whatever happened to him for whatever reason. His story is significant and little known, and what is thought to be known by those who often don’t really know has been ignorant and damaging not only to his legacy but to his family.
His life and what followed should be better known and understood. Attempts to understand it and illuminate it are very difficult. The ability to truly know anything real about something that happened forty years ago is almost always illusory and close to impossible. Even people that were there and close to him were probably all looking at something gigantic that they could only see a small part of and not the entire thing. Each of those people saw that from their own viewpoint and vantage with their own probably unintentional biases and life experiences.
Looking back Rodger Penzabene probably did have people close to him that he loved and cared for, and they probably loved and cared for him too. What I’ve learned, is that he mostly thought none of them truly understood him, he may not have understood himself, and he had little time or desire to spend any time helping them understand him better. He likely had little time or passion for anything else than his love of music and his desire to get it made the way he wanted it made.
When an artist any artist leaves behind a song that you love, you are given the gift of that music and it is a great gift. You may know his intent or understand its message, but you probably don’t. Sometimes the people who made those records didn’t really fully understand why or how they came about.
As a listener you get to appreciate that gift and love it in any way you choose whether you do so ignorantly or whether it spurs you to endlessly find out more about what made you love it. That is why great songs truly are a gift. But the artists and their families don’t owe you anything more than that initial gift and bickering, fighting and hurling hurtful allegations based on your blind love of that gift, is no way to say thank you for being given a gift.
That is why the more I have chosen to write, I have chosen to write mostly about things that I love and why I love them honestly. What I write may be informative to others, who may or may not choose to love them similarly, but it only really ever says anything about me.
The only time I had ever wrote about Roger Penzabene’s life or music before just now, was on January 14, 2008. It took me about ten minutes and I did so shallowly, based on my mood at the time, something that I was personally feeling that day from information that was one paragraph of a long article that I had read from an obscure publication about a little known topic and artist. I certainly didn’t think it would be seen by many. I had no idea it would have the impact that it did, but somehow accidentally it did. But every act has consequences and your intentions have little to do with what eventually happens. That shallow post did some good things and perpetuated some bad ones. I always tried in my own way to refine what I first wrote to make it more accurate and honest.
What I first wrote was an misinterpretation of his life and story. What is there now is pretty much all true except maybe the last line.
Holidays are tough for people with issues, I’ve had issues and they were tough on me.
I have no idea if Rodger’s death coming on a holiday was anything more than an odd coincidence. I have no idea if he had issues or what they may have been. I do wish he had seen New Year’s Day of 1968 even though that was a brutal year for everyone alive that year and significant people did not survive that year.
It shows his Wikipedia entry at the time word for word as it appeared at the time with no judgement as to its accuracy. That entry wasn’t accurate or productive then and it isn’t now. It does tell people to look at the comments where people who had more insight gave it, some people just admitted their love of his music and their honest desire to know his story better, plus a lot of hateful things said by hateful people, who did not fully appreciate or understand how to accept a gift.
In its entirety it says very little about the man’s life and his music, but a lot about how his life was badly misunderstood, it shows you how that happened and still happens. For all the joy and love his songs brought to people in his short time with us, and cathartic sad songs are still gifts, that is sadly now part of his story. His story has a lot of value and needs to be better known, better understood, and appreciated.
The last thing I want people do with my post is to misinterpret it or be misled by any of it, they will clearly still do so. There are many joyful and sad things about Rodger Penzabene’s life and music, that is among the sadder parts of what came after his life ended.
I had never until recently thought about changing the title, which may remain misleading. Rodger was lost, maybe not during his life, but from his death. He probably was romantic about certain things. To call him a “lost romantic” is probably misleading.
But the post does have a history, so to change its title to just “Rodger Penzabene,” or perhaps to “Rodger Penzabene: Misunderstood Genius” might be less misleading but it would be white washing the history of the post, and the history of the post is largely me sitting back shocked by want happened and hoping that it made Wikipedia and everything else more accurate, which it was for a while and isn’t now.
There was hope that the comment section would help his family stay in touch and better understand each other, spread his legacy and true things about him, which it did for a time I think.
Sadly, a lot of the comments are ignorant and mean, and there is a lot of ignorance and meanness right now. So I could delete those spiteful, clueless, sometimes greedy comments mostly made under anonymous names, but those people are out there and it shouldn’t be hidden. Were that myth true, and I don’t think it is, it would be the worst thing to celebrate and fight to maintain, especially when you could just be agreeing how great the music was, which no one on any side disputes.
This is the only time since that original post that I have written about Rodger Penzabene, his life and music. It took more time, it’s intent was more honest and hopefully it’s more accurate. I hope it leads to more positive things especially for his family, but when you write something and release it to the world and move on, you have no idea what will happen to it afterward, and that is sadly a very integral part of Rodger Penzabene’s legacy.
