I wish that I was humble enough to take my name off of this post, but I’m not. Today, I finally met someone who would be and her name was Janice. Janice gave me hope for the future of the world today. I thought the world was doomed and in about an hour I believed that the world was going to survive, and it was all because of Janice.
I sort of wish that everything I wrote was remembered as being said by anonymous because all of the best quotes were really first said by anonymous. After that people plagiarized anonymous cleverly saying the exact same thing and only adding clever then took credit for anonymous’ idea. Now people argue about who plagiarized anonymous first and best all day and it makes me sad, because we should not be arguing. We should be like Janice.
I’ll just settle the argument forever at least for me. John Lennon was the greatest plagiarist ever. He took things by anonymous and added clever better than anyone ever. He was so good at it that he deserves to be remembered almost as well as anonymous.
He was so clever that he basically would steal the same thing from anonymous over and over and keep adding clever and funny that he bragged about it and he did it here in 1967.
There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can be learn how to play the game
It’s easy
Now that is the most clever and funny plagiarist of all time. He is actually in two and a have sentences bragging that he is the most hilarious and clever con artist of all time, because he knows everyone is constantly stealing from anonymous.
But after he laughs about it and makes you worship him he pays you back and makes you proud. He tells you it is all a game and then steals anonymous’ best quote.
All you need is love
At first, I’m upset because John Lennon’s name is on anonymous’ best work, but anonymous’ best work is so good and anonymous is so generous he doesn’t care that Lennon stole it from him he just wants everyone to know that
All you need is love
But then John Lennon stole from anonymous that it was really easy so anonymous was proud. It is that easy. Take your name off of your quotes because all you need is love.
That is 99% anonymous’ work and 1% Lennon’s but Lennon did it so well I worship Lennon.
Forget all that let’s talk about Janice.
Wait again I’m still not as good as Janice because again I have a huge ego and must talk about me.
On October 30th, 1991, I was all alone and sad in San Francisco and I was one of a relatively few people who watched “The Parking Garage” an episode of Seinfeld. It wasn’t a mega-billion dollar hit then. It was something few spent time on and no one thought had much value.
That was a lot like me. Then NBC thought it had value and moved it to Thursday so it could be helped by a hit show like Cheers that everyone loved and then everyone loved Seinfeld.
That was true about Cheers too. No one cared at first and only started watching it because of other shows on NBC on Thursday’s. No one remembers that now because they can just see any Seinfeld now immediately.
Sort of only lonely, unknown me remembers that.
“The Parking Garage,” was very amusing, but really depressing, and that was the perfect description of me for over 50 years.
I finally realized it and decided to be happy and did my best to end the depressing, and regretted the depressing.
So today, I came back to Chicago for the first time in years and it was meant to say goodbye to Chicago and especially the one square mile around where Janice works. I wanted to atone for my past depressing sins in Chicago and leave it forever.
Chicago is fabulous for people who know how Chicago works, but I didn’t have the same goals as Chicago. I was able to leave and did. There is a lot I miss about Chicago, but small things make me happy to leave. So today I wanted to leave Chicago forever, but now because of Janice, I will probably be back.
In atoning for my sins, it was necessary for me to live “The Parking Garage,” and I knew that it was not going to last 22 minutes or so that it was going to probably last hours.
I was so pressed for time atoning for my sins, and it is really easy to drive 499 miles to this part of Chicago, but that last mile is so hard that I just drove into the first parking garage closest to the CBOT and drove through it as fast as possible, finally found a space, and ran to the Board of Trade. That was expensive and time-consuming, but it was worth it to atone for my sins.
Then I came back and paid for my parking and knew I had almost no idea where my car was.
For about ten minutes, it made me very happy about my decision to leave there forever, in fact, I almost brag texted someone I had atoned to my sins, about how I would never be back again. I was again amusing, but depressing.
It was worse than the episode, not only did I need to urinate, but I was out of cigarettes and craving them. I had no idea where I was or my car was. All I had was my phone, my car keys, my parking receipt, and Janice.
Were it not for Janice, I would now probably be banned from Chicago forever, and before Janice, I wouldn’t have cared, but that is not the case because Janice cared.
I used my keys to make my car beep and realized that it was very close to me but physics made it nearly impossible to reach, but my receipt had Janice’s phone number on it.
It was almost like the best suicide hotline ever.
I think that for one second Janice thought to herself, why is this moron in this garage? There are cheaper garages, and he will be lost here forever. The people that use this garage can afford it and know exactly where they park and can get in and out almost immediately. ‘
The only incompetent moron in that one square mile of Chicago was me and being amusing couldn’t save me only Janice did, because after 1 second Janice I think said to herself. This moron really needs my help. I need to show him love and waste my valuable time to save his life from the Seinfeld Episode.
So as she was on the phone with me, my car was beeping, she said: “Honey, look I can see your every move, but I have no idea where your car is I can only guide you to it.” She didn’t just do that she came down and met me personally to help me find my car and got me finally after about 30 minutes of wasting her precious time working devotedly for the company she has worked at for 40 years, about three minutes away from it and then abandoned me for honest loving reasons.
I said, “Wow, I am about three minutes away from getting out of this garage alive. Please spend them with me so I can give you some money.” Janice would not stand for that. She refused to take my money. She saved me from drowning but wanted me to learn to swim. She told me she would meet me again when I could swim to save me money, but would not take my money even after I could swim.
It took me about 20 minutes not three to learn to swim, but Janice again was there for me, and again would take no money.
The more she would not take money, the more I wanted to give her my money.
Me: Ok, let me give you a gift.
Janice: No, child I’ve worked here for 40 years. This is my job, and I get paid for it.
Me: Ok, then how about if I send you a gift.
Janice: I don’t deserve a gift for doing my job.
Me: But you are a gift to this garage! How about if I write you a thank you note.
Janice: If you want to write a thank you note, write it to my employers of 40 years and tell them that I just did my job.
Me: But, I can do all of that and more. I’m a writer, let me write thousands of emails to you and the world.
Janice: No. I just helped you because it is my job to do so.
So I decided to stay in that place much longer just to try to spend time with Janice and buy her out and learn more about her.
The more I knew the more inspired I was. Janice needed my money far more than I did, but Janice knew that she needed to set an example to others that sometimes you have to be very moral about your job, always show love, and fix your own problems as best as you can before asking for help so everyone does it, which was exactly anonymous’ message.
Now, I called her for help almost immediately. So she did help me, but she didn’t drive me to my car, she stopped me from drowning, and then she refused to see me again until I could swim.
Now, I never want to be depressing again. Now, I want to return to Chicago even though I know that I am far too incompetent to find Janice even if I look for days. I worked over 20,000 hours in the CBOT and I was about a hundred yards away from that garage and it still took me twenty minutes just to get to the garage.
Janice could have sat back and taped my idiocy and laughed with everyone about it.
Now I only have on problem left with Chicago and the world.
There are many signs up that pay tribute to very famous people in Chicago and people argue endlessly about whether they were good or bad enough to deserve them.
Janice refused to even let me take a picture with her for this post. Janice would probably not let me use her last name for this post. Janice does not want to be found unless you are drowning.
Why isn’t there a street named Janice is Chicago?
There is a Janice street in Lockport, Illinois!
This site is as anonymous as I can be.
I think everyone has a huge ego, except for a few like Janice, and even though that is true I like artists that do their best to try to leave their ego out of their art, even if it secretly is all over it in hidden ways.
One of my big heroes is obviously Elvis Presley. In life, he only wanted to get his mother out of poverty, and Tom Parker helped him do it. That meant he was very loyal to Tom Parker, but in 1968 Elvis and the world were in crisis and Tom Parker wanted Elvis to sing Christmas songs. Research how much money my fellow Jew Irving Berlin generated by writing one Christmas song.
So that one time Elvis insisted that after both Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy were shot that this be written in some way and that he sing it at the biggest most public crisis moment of his life and the world’s.
Elvis was plagiarizing MLK right after he was shot, but with the best intentions possible.
Janice did better, Janice told me that yes there was a reason to dream and that maybe her example would solve it all.
“Chicago should always have a street named Janice right in front of the Board of Trade!” – anonymous.
