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Suzanne Somers was never hot

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After I read Kathy Griffin’s comments on how Suzanne Somers is well on her way to becoming the second richest television celebrity alive – Oprah will forever be that until the day she dies and bails out the Fed – I decided that maybe I should look back at her career and reevaluate this great talent. Or not.

Don’t let any of the John Ritter worshipers out there go fooling you into believing that “Three’s Company” was a highly smart farce topped each week with the slapstick genius that was Ritter in his prime.  The show sucked then it sucks now. Neither Janet or Chrissy was hot, and especially not Chrissy. Somers’ Chrissy was a buffoon, who despite living with a guy, acted liked she’d never seen a penis in her life. When Chrissy heard what she would have to do to lose her virginity, I’m guessing that the shrieking didn’t end for hours and she came home that night still a virgin.

How is that even remotely hot? Compare Chrissy to Paris Hilton? Paris Hilton is 1000 times smarter and 1000 times hotter at her worst. Anyone who has ever found Suzanne Somers hot is a loser. Anyone who had a poster of her, should go ahead and kill themselves right now.

Every joke on that show was about sex, but no one with the possible exception of the despised and shadily depicted Larry Dallas ever had sex.

It was a highly immature show about sex, whose premise was homophobic, and it did much damage to young people’s understanding of sex.

Norman Fell was great on that show though and they made him leave it to do a spin off which he didn’t want and regretted forever.

Wow, that’s a lot of vitriol to waste on Suzanne Somers. I wonder where that came from. Maybe, I need to reassess my career and reevaluate my great talent.

Shut up. She wasn’t hot on that Sheriff show either.