It’s so sad to see a chance at greatness completely botched out of laziness. I’ve already put more effort into Donald Trump’s Fake News Media Awards than he did and it’s only my second sentence.
It’s like when Clint Eastwood fucked up making a good J. Edgar Hoover movie. Such a great subject, such potential and then it is ruined for like 25 years before some one else will try it.
I could have made this awesome with only my cell phone and Facebook Live. I would have had the whole family on except for Barron. The pretty wife, the pretty daughter that he’s in love with because it’s the closest thing conceivable to being able to make love to himself. I would have had the idiot sons on, the porn star that he had settled with, Omarosa, Steve Bannon. I’d even give Al Franken a ten minute spot about how the 2010’s are not the Al Franken decade.
Such potential and he basically just tweeted out a top ten list not as funny as the worst one David Letterman produced in the last 25 years of his show.
At least Obama went on live television and preparedly filled out his NCAA brackets every year.I know he hates being compared to Barack Obama, but he could have had some free lance joke blower without a job in Hollywood make something that would have been fun on television. This was just him reading a list somewhere on the internet and it didn’t even go off until technical issues were resolved.
And the saddest thing is that he was actually for the first time in his life qualified to do something.
Steven Miller went on CNN and said that he was a genius because he revolutionized reality television. Ignoring for a second that he’s the only one in history to pronounce dynasty like the word dinner, that in itself was fake news. If anyone revolutionized reality television, it was the guy that hired him Mark Burnett. That’s still not an accomplishment, because nothing ever done with or on reality television can be thought of as a revolutionary accomplishment, but it was at least something that Trump did that he actually made real money doing.
Steven if you want to learn how to pronounce dynasty – watch this video.
There are cool dancers and you can show the part where he says “Women, not girls, rule my world, I said they rule my world/
Act your age, mama, not your shoe size, maybe we could do the twirl” to Roy Moore.
Then Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders claimed that he can’t be a racist because he had an NBC reality show for ten years. Apparently, NBC is OK with sexual deviants, but can spot racists from a mile away. You can be the vilest racist in the world and do any job as long as you keep your mouth shut and don’t let it affect your work, and Trump isn’t even capable of doing that. This is less believable than the guy that said that women’s reproductive functions shut down when they are being raped.
So how does he do such an incredibly lame job at staging his own reality show? He could have filmed it at MacDonald’s if he had wanted. He could have just read random periodicals that Sarah Palin has never read and it still could have been awesome.
But no, he just tweets out a list? Think what John Belushi could have done with this concept off the top of his head.
He didn’t even come up with a cool name for the awards and it took me like six seconds to think up Trumpy’s!
So here is the list.
The Highly-Anticipated 2017 Fake News Awards
Good start. I was actually highly anticipating this when he first announced it for five o’clock a week or so ago but didn’t say whether it would be 5 AM when he usually has his rage tweets or 5 PM, which would leave him at least a half hour to get to bed with his nightly cheeseburger.
1. The New York Times’ Paul Krugman claimed on the day of President Trump’s historic, landslide victory that the economy would never recover.
Now admittedly the economy and the stock market look pretty good right now. That usually happens when you give away a trillion and a half dollars in free money and cut as many regulations as you possibly can in a year, but that’s not news that’s an opinion that was wrong. The only fake news is that Trump’s victory was a landslide. You can’t win by a landslide and lose the popular vote by three million, unless you win every single state by one and then lose Maine by 3 million and 49.
That part is actually true and he can’t even figure out how to use a hyperlink to any of a thousand web sites to prove its veracity.
2. ABC News’ Brian Ross CHOKES and sends markets in a downward spiral with false report.
Here he shows a graph showing the Dow falling about 200 points in twenty minutes. That’s a 0.8% move. I did nothing but watch the Dow for over 20 years and it can fall 0.8% at 11:15 just from people going out to lunch for a while. By the end of the day the Dow was down a whole 40 points, which is essentially as news worthy as a thin coat of paint drying in a week. That’s a day where Warren Buffet’s net worth changes so little that he doesn’t even bother to spend five minutes to type up his account.
Again no link, but by the time of the date listed with this headline, ABC had issued a correction and Ross didn’t get demoted he got suspended for a month.
0/2
3. CNN FALSELY reported that candidate Donald Trump and his son Donald J. Trump, Jr. had access to hacked documents from WikiLeaks.
“Here’s a case where other news organizations – The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal and NBC News – quickly reported that CNN had gotten it wrong. It turned out that the sender of the email in question was notifying the Trumps of already public documents.”
That’s too complicated for me to assess, but I’ll give him a point for something that was probably less significant than it raining on a day where Al Roker said there was only a 34% chance of it happening.
1/3
4. TIME FALSELY reported that President Trump removed a bust of Martin Luther King, Jr. from the Oval Office.
This was a tweet that was corrected in less than an hour.
Why is he feeling the bust like it’s a chiapet or something? Even if this counts, somewhere in his grave Martin Luther King is yelling get your palm off my head Cracker!
1.5/4
5. Washington Post FALSELY reported the President’s massive sold-out rally in Pensacola, Florida was empty. Dishonest reporter showed picture of empty arena HOURS before crowd started pouring in.
Another tweet that never resulted in an article.
A video view from inside the Pensacola Trump rally tonight, as the president talked about illegal immigration pic.twitter.com/VoPbEBqijE
— David Martosko (@dmartosko) December 9, 2017
Dude those are empty seats up top! That’s not even sold-out much less “massively sold out.” Also you were there to vouch for an anti-gay, anti-woman, racist, pedophile to be a United States Senator.
1.5/5
6. CNN FALSELY edited a video to make it appear President Trump defiantly overfed fish during a visit with the Japanese prime minister. Japanese prime minister actually led the way with the feeding.
Another tweet, but you know that anytime Donald Trump is feeding anything including himself, he’s going to shove it all into his or their mouths all at once. They could have given him a huge dumpster and a back hoe and he still would have dumped it all into a 3 ft x 3 ft kid’s aquarium.
2/6
7. CNN FALSELY reported about Anthony Scaramucci’s meeting with a Russian, but retracted it due to a “significant breakdown in process.”
This was fake news, but it was corrected and three people got fired including a Pulitzer prize winning reporter. He’s right there are no consequences. It’s like Goebbles is running the show again.
Mooch still got fired before his job even started.
3/7
8. Newsweek FALSELY reported that Polish First Lady Agata Kornhauser-Duda did not shake President Trump’s hand.
Soon corrected, but no one would have cared if Trump didn’t have a psychotic thing about shaking hands and acting superior to other leaders.
4/8 But he’s still a boorish bull in a china shop. Even the Klan members who came up with America First weren’t pushing aside foreign leaders like they were getting out of the way of the running of the bulls in Pamplona.
9. CNN FALSELY reported that former FBI Director James Comey would dispute President Trump’s claim that he was told he is not under investigation.
Who knows if it was true, but Comey never disputed it, so I guess 5/9
10. The New York Times FALSELY claimed on the front page that the Trump administration had hidden a climate report.
Whatever, I can’t afford the New York Times and I’ve already used up all of my free articles for the month. Either way, I’d be willing to bet that no one in the EPA actually read that climate report, because all climate reports are fake news.
6/10
11. 11?
11. And last, but not least: “RUSSIA COLLUSION!” Russian collusion is perhaps the greatest hoax perpetrated on the American people. THERE IS NO COLLUSION!
This is still up to Robert Mueller, but everyone knows that the greatest hoax perpetrated on the American people, was the fact that John F Kennedy faked his own death and Marilyn Monroe’s, and that they happily lived out the rest of their lives somewhere in Haiti, which would have been easily discovered, but for the fact that it is such a shithole no journalists have ever been there. Extremely lazy reporting because the guy from the Fugees partied with them at least 12 times before they were both shot by a guy who was pissed that they only said Happy Holidays to him and not Merry Christmas on the first day of Kwanzaa 2013.
6/11.
Well, the American Press is definitely an enemy of the people. Why even keep the first amendment? Personally, I think these six mistakes came from exhaustion from covering Trump’s 2000 or so lies from 2017.
Then he went on to brag about all he had accomplished, which didn’t include being the least racist President of all time.
While the media spent 90% of the time focused on negative coverage or fake news, the President has been getting results:
4. President Trump’s plan to cut regulations has exceeded “2 out for every 1 in” mandate, issuing 22 deregulatory actions for every one new regulatory action.
That’s only an accomplishment if they were bad regulations. If he dies from tainted meat at a MacDonald’s it is not going to go down well in the history books.
5. The President has unleashed an American energy boom by ending Obama-era regulations, approving the Keystone pipeline, auctioning off millions of new acres for energy exploration, and opening up ANWR.
Yes, the answer to global warming and our overabundance on fossil fuels, is to crank it up so there are oil wells everywhere and to ratchet up our use of them so we run out twice as fast as we are currently set to do so. Well done. Fuck nature, scenery and public parks.
7. President Trump followed through on his promise to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of the State of Israel and instructed the State Department to begin to relocate the Embassy.
I’ll give him this – if it leads to Armageddon there will be no one left to bitch about it.
10. President Trump kept his promise and appointed Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch to the U.S. Supreme Court.
THIS IS NOT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. It’s not like he ran saying Gorsuch would be my guy. He just had a list and if any idiot reporter that moderated any of the debates would have asked him to name three people on his list, he never would have been elected. Where was Katie Couric when we needed her?
Couldn’t we have just had a really cool celebrity edition of Family Fued vs. the Obamas? If they had a list of Don’s most egregious financial crimes, they could definitely sweep that round. As long as the final segment wasn’t proper ways to treat a women, they had a slugger’s chance.
Here’s my recommendation. On the one year anniversary of your record setting inauguration, put on a leather military jacket, get on an aircraft carrier, announce “Mission Accomplished” and go back to selling tacky stuff on QVC. If you do, I promise to act as honestly as possible to answer Donald J. Trump every time someone asks me who the greatest president of all time was for the rest of my life. Even if you accidentally set off a nuclear bomb on your way out of the White House, I promise to blame it on Hillary.
Is Stalin really dead? Is it too late to vote for Pol Pot?
Not one thing as false as his claims that Obama wasn’t born in the United States or that the Central Park 5 were all guilty as sin.
I hope Pinocchio buys the New York Times or else next year’s Trumpy’s are gonna suck too.
