K-A-M: Master of Love


I’m going to call him by his initials, K-A-M, since I don’t want his name showing up with porn in google searches, although actually he might take that as a complement given the title of the post.

I worked with K-A-M for about a year, and we got along famously, despite the fact that I was about 17 years older than he was. The only age gap issue we ever had was he worshiped Dave Chappelle, as do I, but I kept trying to tell him how much stuff Chappelle took from Eddie Murphy, and he was too young to see it. How do you think Charlie Murphy met Rick James, bitch!?

So I just loved this guy. He and I were drop dead hilarious together. He could tell a joke, he could appreciate a joke, he could take a joke.

He may also be the vainest guy I’ve ever met. He may be the only person alive, who has never at one time wished he were someone else. If you asked him whether he considered himself smarter than he was better looking or vice-versa, he’d be stumped. Dude’s ego is Muhammad Ali in his prime huge, but amazingly in an incredibly lovable way. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who didn’t like him or want to be around him.

Whenever I saw him even remotely hitting on a girl, I’d say something to her like, “He really thinks that you are almost as pretty as he is.”

I’ve never seen women flock to a guy like they did to this dude. We’d walk into a bar and women would walk up to him out of nowhere and ask to touch his clothing. It was just sick especially for a guy like me that couldn’t pick up a woman he was stranded alone on a desert island with.

One night after our firm’s Christmas party, we went out to a local bar and he decides that he’s come up with the greatest pickup line ever.

He used this line three times.

K-A-M: Excuse me, I’ve never done this before, but … could you buy me a drink?

It not only worked all three times, but each time he laughed and said, “no I’m kidding I’ll buy you a drink,” and each time the woman insisted on paying for it herself! At the end of the night, he has two women grindingĀ on each other on the dance floor for his benefit.

Even he was shocked by the success of this cocky move “Dude, it’s like the Jedi mind trick, I don’t know if I can stop myself from using this for evil.”

Did I ever get any of his female run off? Not at all. Here’s the closest I came.

We’re at a bar and he comes up to me and says he’s met these two really cute college girls. He brings me over and we start to talk at the bar. After about thirty seconds, K-A-M asks them if they are attached and both of them say that they have boyfriends, which means K-A-M is gone from that conversation before even another 30 seconds pass.

Me, however, now the pressures off, and I can just talk to them, which I do for about five or six minutes.

After about another half an hour, K-A-M is dancing somewhat erotically with a girl upstairs, and I’m bored out of my mind.

So I actually go back downstairs where the two attached girls are sitting alone at a table. I asked to sit with them and talked with them for the next three hours and had a really good time.

I have plenty of game when there is no chance of scoring!

K-A-M could never get over that. “Dude, you just spent three hours talking to two girls with boyfriends!”

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