Love on the internet


I was actually once at the very crest of the internet phenomenon and was incredibly successful given my chosen niche. Unfortunately, my niche was extremely poorly chosen and eventually became as useful as a Betamax.

I would write these satirical love starved re-caps of the show Felicity that I called the Felicity Commission. For how that insanity came about and some samples check out the following link:

Eventually, I had about 30 really rabid fans and they were mostly females responding to my self pitying burned romantic routine. You know the one none of my real friends will put up with.

Eventually and of course briefly, I was sort of an internet lothario. I had like 5 or 6 internet girl friends, and I talked to three on the phone from time to time.

One of the most amusing was a girl from I believe NYU. She was one of the girls that ran
The First Unofficial Scott Speedman Page!

I only talked with her on the phone maybe twice and then she disappeared, but we had a couple of really fun chats. One night we emailed Oscar comments back and forth (it was pre instant message days), another night we spent on the phone scouring the internet. She was looking for wet Kerstin Dunst Spiderman pictures for me and I was looking for photographic evidence of the awesomeness that is Tommy Lee to send her.

I emailed with a married woman for a couple of years. I’m not sure if that’s cheating or not. I suppose I wouldn’t want my wife doing it, but it wasn’t really anything I’d find to be dangerous to her marriage. There was a bit of flirting and revealing of facts, but she wasn’t giving me her phone number or planning to leave her husband. It’s kind of cool to have an anonymous person that you respect and shares the same interests with to cheer you along. I suppose it’s your own moral decision whether the need to find something that your mate isn’t providing or can’t provide is wrong or right.

A couple other girls I still correspond with on rare occasion. Usually, if something epic happens to our niche of the pop world.

Only once did I ever think something had the possibility to be something. I was emailing and eventually talking on the phone with this fabulous girl in New York. We had these great phone chats. I think she sent me the first Badly Drawn Boy album after I met him in Los Angeles, and then I sent her a heart shaped box with one of those famous pictures of Elvis meeting tongues with a young Marilyn Monroe looking woman, and it was my impression that she really dug the gift.

Then something happened.

Here’s my advice if you ever want a guy to never forget and always forever wonder what if – just disappear instantly forever. It’s maddening, and I’ve had it happen a couple of times. You wonder exactly what happened and why? Being excoriated is actually much better than just having someone disappear into thin air. Silence is sadly the most vicious weapon in a woman’s arsenal.

In this case, I think something happened in her life that she didn’t want to discuss and it became too much for her to do anything else. Maybe she eventually also met a guy. She just sort of indicated that things were crazy and never again answered her phone. I’d just forget about her (as best I could) for about a year and then I’d get a random “hello, hope you are well message.”

Around 2003 or so I was offered a job in New York, and I sent her an email saying basically, “I have no friends there do you want to be one?” She said that she was “busy, but sure!”

I was in New York for about 8 months and it really wasn’t for me. About once a month, I’d leave her a message on her machine and get no response. Eventually, I quit my NY job, and as insane as it must seem, I was like I can’t leave NY without at least trying to meet this girl. I had her address from the heart shaped box days, so I took a cab over there at about two o’clock and just decided to sit there reading until she came home and see what happened.

While I sat there I couldn’t decide if her mailbox looked like she was living with someone or not. I had no idea what she looked like, but I knew her voice and would say Hello to the girls that entered that apartment building. There were probably like 8 units.

After about 3 hours, this epic meeting occurred.

She was coming home from working out and in a hurry to get somewhere else. So I introduce myself to her and she was sort of half-panicked and half bemused and remarked upon her unmade state (she was very pretty) and her hurry and with a you silly boy look dashed by me as I mumbled something to her about my impending departure from the city.

So that was pretty embarrassing, but I sent her an email when I got home explaining that I just had to see her and wasn’t basically as scary as I was acting. No response, but still just when she goes out of my head: I’ll get a mysterious e mail from her wishing me well.

It’s downright tantalizing. I think I’d spend 1000 dollars for one phone call that explained what the hell happened, but I don’t think it’s ever coming, which means that I’ll never for a second stop wondering.

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