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NFL Logic

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Doug Stanhope: Drugs didn’t ruin Ricky Williams’ career. Drug testing ruined Ricky Williams’ career.

The NFL is so concerned about drug abuse that they randomly test Ricky Williams nine times every month to make sure that he isn’t smoking marijuana.

Of course, looking the other way as players load up on steroids and shooting players up with enough pain killers that they don’t feel anything - that’s part of the game.

Who cares whether players are constantly crashing into each other with the force of a Mack truck? Who cares whether NFL alumni spend the rest of their lives limping around crippled?

The important thing is that Ricky Williams doesn’t get high.

Chris Rock: Kill the Messanger is unwatchable

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God, I hate to say this because I think Chris Rock is as good of a stand up comedian as there is today. His new special is unwatchable, and that has nothing to do with the material.

The HBO special is the amalgamation of three performances - one each in New York, London, and South Africa.

Apparently, Rock or who knows who, wanted to show that he got similar reactions in all three places, which is I suppose fine.

What isn’t fine is that Rock is wearing three wildly different outfits at each and that the special moves from one concert to the other every ten seconds.

Look, if you want me to know that the reception to Rock was the same throughout the world as it was in New York, I’ll take your word for it. I can’t watch an hour and a half of a comedian, where his outfit changes every ten seconds. One suit per joke not three.

Again the jokes are fine, but they could be the funniest jokes in the history of man and the editing would still make you want to gouge your eyes out.

Good Day

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This is one of the last great songs that Ray Davies wrote for the Kinks (the above cartoon - I have no idea what it means, which is I think why I like it). Anyway, it’s typical hang dog Ray Davies fodder. He’s not talking about Princess Diana - he’s talking about Diana Dors, the actress - sort of an English Marilyn Monroe - and that’s also her not Marilyn on Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.  There’s a brief passage where he ponders an atomic bomb going off (which is hardly the way to convince yourself to have a good day), but in typical Ray fashion, he seems so impatient waiting for the world to end that he at least hopes that it will provide a good show.

I don’t think any songwriter in the history of man comes close to Ray in the genre of songs written to convince yourself to get out of bed. This one starts with his alarm going off - sounds like a cheap Casio. I should tally how many of his song begin with him waking up.

Superman (Woke up this morning, started to sneeze)

Predictable (Don’t know why I’m even bothering) - I think the video begins with him in bed.

State of Confusion (Woke up in a panic)

Ray apparently needs to be talked off a ledge every time he regains consciousness. He’s right though - the alarm clock is a truly ghastly invention.

He sings it at times with complete passion and good intent and at other times as if the very notion of brandishing himself forth for another day on the planet is the final proof of his own complete and utter insanity.

Good Day

The sky is blue but there are clouds in my head,
With big decisions looming ahead.
The sun is out but the room is so grey,
So much confusion headed my way.
Get positive, try to be gay.

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Sorry Paul

Paul Newman - patron saint of the outlaw, rebel, loser.

I was talking about gambling movies with a friend the other night and mentioned how cool the poker scene in the Sting was. Since everything is about me and I’m running bad right now, I’m willing to take full responsibility for his death.

I heard a radio guy talking about how sad he was at Newman’s death, but it’s hard for me to be sad. So many of my artistic heroes are tortured and end their lives barely a thread away from lunacy. Paul Newman seemed to have it all figured out. Every second of his life lived with complete dignity and utter cool.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Cool Hand Luke

The Sting

Why do you do this to yourself?

Jon Brion and Evan Dando supposedly wrote “Why Do You Do This to Yourself?” about Elliot Smith, but when you listen I suppose it’s pretty obvious.

One of Madonna’s cooler moments tho