Megan wants a murderer: Adventures in vetting

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Who wants to marry a murderer?

“The company did have in place what it thought was a thorough vetting process that involved complete background checks by an outside company for all contestants on its shows,” it said. “Clearly, the process did not work properly in this case. 51 Minds is investigating what went wrong and taking steps to ensure that this sort of lapse never occurs again.”

That’s what you say when one of your reality dating show contestants kills his wife, pries out all of her teeth, cuts her fingers off, shoves her into a suitcase that he tosses into a dumpster -and it turns out that he had a prior record of sexual assault. Well done!

Apparently, this jolly guy doesn’t watch CSI – because dental records are as old school as the abacus.

In a statement, VH1 said it has postponed any airings of “Megan Wants a Millionaire” because of the “tragic situation.”

Damn, if this guy could have won the show and killed the bachelorette – it could have killed the reality dating show as we know it and saved the world from one of the most demeaning, absurd, and low brow genre offerings of all time.

It would have been like a version of the Monkees that featured Charles Manson on lead guitar.

Megan: You have the eyes of a violent murderer, but that turns me on – here’s your rose!

VH1’s dating shows have been a world leader in scuzziness – they make the network dating reality shows look like Shakespeare by comparison. Can someone from one of Bret Michaels’ show kill someone so I don’t have to watch that crap either?

Don’t worry, apparently the murderer only finished second – which means the VH1 dating process was a relative success. Had she picked the man, Ryan Jenkins – I’m sure VH1 would have told Megan -“You said you wanted a millionaire – you didn’t say that he had to not be a violent misogynist. Jesus, some trampy blondes just can’t be pleased.”

Next month on VH1 – Ryan Jenkins wants a bitch who will listen

They could run it out of Folsom Prison and somehow I’m guessing that they could still find ten willing contestants to date him and offer conjugal visits.

Update: Ryan Jenkins does the honorable thing and shoots himself. My guess is that VH1’s worthless reality game show footage is now being worked into a shocking, murder documentary that will eventually air on E!

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